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Arianna Folsom Posts

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The Racist Undertones in Arianna’s Attacks Against me

Arianna’s lies about me have their origin in racist stereotypes of black men as aggressive, hyper-sexualized, controlling, abusive, and philandering. Here are just a few examples of the racist undertones in her Narcissistic Smear Campaign against me. To be clear, I’m not claiming that she is a racist. That doesn’t mean she’s not willing to be racist to get people to hate me just because I got sick of her bullshit and refuse to have her in my life.

Update 2020.10.07: Wow that blew up quickly. I’ve been inundated with comments on this one article. Most of the articles get little response from the public but this one got something like 40 comments within the first 48 hours. While I’m pleased that so many people wanted to let me know they support me, please refrain from making statements that could be construed as a threat. Also, if you’re going to take the time to comment please say something more than “racist bitch”. After the 12th one it get’s old. I’m still wading through them all so please don’t feel neglected if I haven’t published or responded to yours (yet).

These are some articles you should probably read before you continue with this particular post. I’ve added a few videos for those of you who can’t read. They don’t convey the same depth of the issue but they hit the high notes:

That is Arianna in her own words acknowledging that she lied about all the bullshit between us. She manufactured drama, encouraged people to harass and attack me all because I got sick of her bullshit and refused to be her friend

Here’s a message exchange she and I had back in November where she even acknowledges that I was “…good to [her] for the time we were together…”

But she got “upset how everything ended and that [I] don’t want to [be her friend anymore]” She got offended when I blocked her and started all this bullshit. Let’s pause and think about that for a minute. She lied to me, disrespected me, fucked another guy behind my back and lied about it, then told people that I was harassing her and trying to get her kid taken away all because I refused to be her friend AFTER she treated me like shit.

None of that is news though. So why the new post? Well this all relates to the growing realization that people of color get unfair treatment and that some people who call themselves allies use the pre-existing racial bias that exists in society to their advantage. In short, Arianna played on racial bias in her unwarranted attacks on me and my character.

She knew that if she played the victim, I’d be thought of as the aggressor just because she is a “skinny white chick” and I’m a “big black dude”. Here I am telling her about the racist nature of the attacks and death threats I was dealing with

She acts like this is all one big joke but she fully understands that what she’s doing is dangerous….to me. She put my life in danger with her bullshit racist antics.

Update (September 6, 2020): You can click on the YouTube link above and watch the whole exchange. At the end of said exchange we agreed to talk about things offline. Here’s some of what was said in the text exchange a couple of days after the video above

  • So she acknowledges that she lied about me but isn’t willing to call it that. She just says “… yes. There are things I said…when I was drinking and whatnot”.
  • Instead of coming clean and letting it be known that I never did anything wrong to/with her, she says “I’ve made it more and more clear lately that I do not harbor any hatrd towards you anymore.”

All of that seemed to go out the window when I let it be known that 1) I knew she fucked Dylan and 2) that I wasn’t willing to be her friend.

End September 6, 2020 Update

A month after this conversation she was back at it with some very dangerous words.

So here she manufactures drama about me being obsessed with her when she had agreed to drop the drama and bullshit but was continuing to spread lies about me. Everything she said is a lie. She knows its a lie but more than that she knows its dangerous to me as a black male. Just a month prior I’d told her about the racial threats I receive when she does this type of shit. But she goes all in on the EXACT same lies from before

Did you catch how she put on a black affectation when she told that lie? “..[You] best to make sure …” Why would she start talking like I’m Nigga Jim if she weren’t trying to play on the sympathies of people who see black men as bad and white women as good? What better way to whip up a frenzy about a black man than claiming that he’s threatened a white woman and her innocent little white child? The only problem is that it’s JUST not true. Here’s the message that was actually sent.

That last bit is “her being too drunk to take care of Damien and everything else”. The woman who got so drunk that she left her son at school waiting for hours is claiming that I threatened to get her son taken away. Interesting that she doesn’t talk about giving drugs to minors (which she’s done) or driving drunk to pick up her son from school (which she’s done multiple times). She wants people to hate me and uses racial bias in the pursuit of getting back at me for walking away from her bullshit. She’s the one who started all the drama and she fully understands that I’ve done nothing wrong to her.

Here’s more of her racially backed bullshit:

She’s very clearly talking about me. She claims that she was nervous and was having panic attacks just thinking that I might show up. Let’s see what she said just a few weeks prior when I spoke to her.

Does that sound like a person having a panic attack or scared to attend the same event she JUST asked me if I’d be attending?

She’s mastered the art of being a lying and manipulative piece of shit. Part of that for her is saying one thing to me and another thing to everyone else. What she says though is a play on a common phenomena that’s JUST NOW coming to light for the rest of the world: White people have weaponized “I’m feeling threatened”. Everytime she goes off on one of her fib filled, vitriolic, temper tantrum like tirades, she’s putting my life in danger. She wants to win though. Again, this is all like a big game to her and she wins when she gets more people to be on her side than mine. Who cares that it’s all lies coming from her. Who cares that I’ve only ever been a loving partner to her and left her alone when she started treating me like shit. Who cares that I’ve never done ANYTHING wrong to her. She’s upset because I won’t be her friend so I have to be destroyed. The fact that I may die because of the racial undertones of her bullshit is just a bonus. it makes her feel like people care about her enough to do things on her say so. In the words of one of the commenters here “she trying to get a nigga lynched”.

Featured Post

Call for sanity: letting go of the baggage and bullshit

With all of the idiocy and vitriol from Arianna, it’s easy to loose sight of the reason this site is here in the first place. She would have you believe that I’m obsessed with her but a glance at any of the content here tells you that’s not the case. She’s a lying narcissistic abuser and her lies resulted in me receiving death threats. That’s it. I’ve reached out multiple times to try to put an end to the enmity but she’s too small minded to accept a detente with someone who’s not willing to buy her bullshit.

My conditions were simple 1) be honest 2) retract all the bullshit you’ve said about me. Note here that when I’m talking about bullshit, I just mean the lies. I’m willing to own any and every thing that I’ve done, unlike her.

This is the closest she’s come to coming clean about all her bullshit. Note that I say “closest she’s come” because even in this conversation she tried to lie about why and how the things mentioned came to pass

So here she admits to throwing me under the bus after all the things I did for her just because she wanted to get a new girlfriend. Think about that for a minute and let it sink in. I told her later (in this same conversation) that I was willing to have another conversation if we could be honest about things but she insisted on lying about things that (unbeknownst to her) I had proof of. When it became clear that I wasn’t buying her bullshit she started back to assassinating my character.

This from the same person who said this to me RIGHT after disrespecting our relationship in early October (3 months before the video above).

This is how she treats the person who she claim to “…care about…a lot, more than anyone…”.

So what happens now?

Honestly, I don’t know. All I ever wanted was for her to be out of my life and, like most Narcissistic Abusers, she couldn’t accept that. Here’s a short clip from a video describing Smear Campaigns by people like her.

So where do we go from here?

I’ve cut Arianna out of my life and cut out the people who hang around her that kept bringing me her bullshit. She’s lost at least 4 friendships behind her actions (she’s only been confronted by two or three of them, the other(s) just peeled off silently). I’m not giving her any more of my attention. I may choose to continue documenting my experiences here both for my own catharsis as well as to serve as a warning to those who might be tempted to enter her orbit but I’m done with her, the drama, and the baggage.

I’d recommend that she get counseling for her narcissistic abusive tendencies specifically. She’d have to WANT to be better and be honest with her therapist which I think it unlikely. Either way I don’t ultimately care because I’m not getting back into the ring with her. If she can’t leave me be, I’ll just send all of the evidence I have of her committing crimes to the Police and call it a night. Trust me, I have plenty. Like scores.

Either way I’m not talking to her, not messaging people who talk to her or anything else. I don’t want an apology, I don’t care if she’s happy or sad. I just don’t care at all about her. I’m in a good place with me and that’s all that really matters.

If you consider yourself a friend to her, I’d recommend you protect yourself by watching these videos and then being on the lookout for warning signs

Featured Post

Hey FBI (if you’re watching) I have Arianna on tape admitting to giving drugs (weed/edibles) to a kid who was underage at the time.

Since Arianna told us that you’re on the case, I want to thank you for taking the time to investigate and make sure that justice is served. The aforementioned incident happened at the MeetGroup’s rooftop party at VidCon in July of 2019. I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations for that has not passed. If you need a material witness, give me a call, I’m sure you already have the number(s).

In the mean time I’m calling it a night. I’ve got about 5 hours of video to sort through and edit and I’m sick of dealing with her for now. I was hoping to have this done by Saturday but I’m putting EVERYTHING out so you can make up your own mind about her BS allegations.

remember when I said “shit just got real”?

Oh another thing: She apparently tried to kill herself in front of her son so maybe you want to have your psychological team talk to her and him to make sure he’s ok. You know, as a concerned citizen.

When you do, have someone evaluate Damien, please make sure that they ask questions to determine his attachment profile. Because he doesn’t feel validated and has to compete for her attention (against her live streaming on MeetMe, prescription drug (ab)use, recreational drug use, and excessive drinking) he sometimes acts out JUST to get her attention. Becasue she has shitty coping skills she often calls him names and yells at him.

Sometimes even when he’s obviously done nothing wrong.

She even has physical abuse ideation, apparently:

In the past she’d been drunk around Damien so often that he’d have to try to wake her up to do normal adult things like feed him (he was 5 at the time). Now that he’s older he can probably handle more things on his own like getting to/from school since she likes to get so drunk that she abandons him from time to time or is “forced” to drive drunk to pick him up

There was that one time she beat herself up about being too drunk and high to pick him up from school and him sitting out there alone for hours until his aunt could get him. I hear that can affect ones attachment style but then I’m not a psychologist so maybe I’m mistaken

When you’re done with that ask me about how she abuses her prescription Xanax and lies to her pharmacy about being short a couple of pills so she has extras. I think she may have a problem.

If anyone has other examples of Arianna and Damien’s interactions that you think would be beneficial for a child psychologist to evaluate, please contact me at

An Upcoming Year in Review

It’s coming up on one year since I first tried to step away from my narcissistic abuser, Arianna Folsom. Since then, I’ve dealt with much in the way of harassment (at her behest), death threats, anxiety, social isolation, and more. When I started this website it was with a heavy heart. At the time my understanding was:

  • Arianna had cheated on me with another man and was covering it up by gaslighting me
  • Arianna was lying about me, the nature of our relationship, and my character and conduct to her new conquests (Nugget/Nik, and AlpacaAnna)
  • Because of the above lies, Nugget and I grew closer while Alpaca decided to attack and harass me without provocation.
  • When I published pictures of my message exchanges with Arianna showing that she’d lied to Anna and Nugget, Arianna tried to bully me into silence.
  • When the bullying didn’t work, she started claiming that I was trying to get her son taken away. She put on a very sappy sympathy exhibit for her viewers on MeetMe talking about me constantly, claiming that I was harassing her when in fact it was her and her viewers that were harassing me.
  • At some point (in November) one of her viewers found one of my YouTube channels and made a death threat that was immediately taken down by YouTube but I saw the notification before the message was removed.
  • I started getting a slew of death threats that I first wrote off as keyboard commando bullshit then I get a very personal threat sent to me that included specific details about my life and information about my nieces, who I do not discuss online.
  • At that point I went to the police and turned over my phones (three of them) so they could do what they needed to do investigate the threats.
  • I notified Arianna (around November 12th) that I had to turn over my phone to the authorities because, her claims that I was trying to get her son taken away from her lead to me turning over my phones to the authorities in multiple different jurisdictions and any one of them might happen see the text messages from her that discussed the times she drove drunk to pick up her son from school or the time she left him standing outside for hours because she was too high and fucked up to remember to go get him. In short: her actions created a situation where she could actually loose her son.
  • On November 15th, I registered to put up my side of the story because Arianna was too enamored of the attention she was getting from playing the victim. She’s a narcissist and needs to be the center of attention. She couldn’t care less if her actions lead to harm for me, all she wanted was to bask in the glow of those rallying around her because of her lies.

Less than a week after posting my first article the death threats stopped (largely). Apparently there was enough there that contradicted her version of events that the few people she’d tricked into threatening me took a step back.

November is just around the corner and I’ve been thinking about all the shit I’ve been through just because a shitty person feels so bad about herself that she needs to visit wrath upon those who get fed up with her bullshit and walk away from her. When we were together I bent over backwards to take care of her. When we broke up, I knew that she’d fucked Dylan but I let her lie go unchallenged because I don’t care who she fucks. I do care about being disrespected and I wasn’t going to tolerate disrespect, so I left. I wished her well and I thought that would be the end of it. Instead Alpaca fires off at me (again unprovoked), I try to work it out with Arianna and her lies lead to the situation we’re in now.

Since the breakup, I’ve discovered so much more about the ways she was lying and manipulating and I plan to discuss and dissect some of the things I found out:

  • Her lying about me pursuing her as a GF when she’s the one who pursued a relationship with me
  • Her lying about me messaging her all the time and being obsessed with her to her ex Victoria (we had conversations that clarified exactly how Arianna would use triangulation and gossip as a wedge between us)
  • Her lying to Anna about me being controlling and sycophantic
  • Her fucking Dylan (I discovered audio of them fucking that got caught by the tablet I bought for her son. The Amazon Alexa recordings ended up in my amazon account)
  • Her lying to a slew of women she was trying to hook up with claiming either that I was just a fan who wanted to support her (making me sound like a fucking sugar daddy) or completely denying that we had any type of relationship at all
  • The ways in which she talks shit about everyone in her life (and I do mean everyone) to make you predisposed to believe her future lies about them. She wants to stay in between you and everyone else so you can’t get together and compare notes to uncover her lies
    • One example is her talking about someone in the fashion industry named Michael Bui. She told me this sob story about how he used his wife Mida to get her into bed in a threesome knowing that she (Arianna) is into women (and presumably not into men although that’s a falsehood. She still insists that she’s a lesbian despite carrying on three secret sexual relationships with men during the time we were together). According to the story she told, during the threesome Michael was pushy and didn’t respect her boundaries. Afterward, according to Arianna, he kept rubbing up against her and hovering around her making her feel uncomfortable while they were at this industry event in Vegas. She said he kept pressuring her for sex absent the participation of Mida. Now, it’s important for me to say that Arianna is probably lying about that whole thing. Michael Bui probably has a completely different view of what happened and I’d bet that Mida’s and Michael’s views are closer to reality than the story Arianna told. So why would she do that? Because 1) it’s good for sympathy and 2) it gives her cover. If I buy into her version of events that I am less likely to be friendly with Michael and Mida who are both in her industry. She can keep the truth from coming out by staying in the middle, telling them things about me and telling me things about them. She’s a really good manipulator.

It’s emotionally draining to talk about some of this because while I quickly let go of my attachment to Arianna, it took a while for me to stop reacting to her ploys for more narcissistic supply from me. She’d do something and I’d react. Now there’s nothing she can do to cause any response other than me sending a packet of prepared documents to CPS, Orange County Sheriff’s dept, San Diego Sheriff’s dept, and the FBI. I’ve stopped caring about her wholesale. I don’t care about how she’s doing, what she’s doing, or anything else. I don’t care if she’s happy, sad, depressed, whatever. Unfortunately, I’m still recovering from the toll of having to deal with a narcissistic abuser’s smear campaign.

I’ve been working on a few projects that are about to launch and it would be nice to completely put all of this behind me. I don’t want to have to maintain a website about my crazy piece of shit ex and all the things she’s lied about or put me through. I’ve reached out to Arianna multiple times to try to put an end to the bullshit. I let it be known that I have no interest in being friends but we could at least stop wasting people’s time with her lies about me and me needing to tell the truth in a public forum (this web site) unfortunately she insists on holding on to her lies.

As a result she, ironically, is keeping this site up. This site would have been gone long ago if she’d just told the truth. The last time I made an offer to get past all of this was around May and she decided to lie about me, again claiming that I was obsessed with her. Since I can’t trust her not to continue to lie, the only way this site will get taken down is if she makes a public statement acknowledging all of the bullshit she’s responsible for and I do mean all of it. I know things now that she would never think I’d know of because after the site went up, people who had seen what a shitty person she is started sending me droves of text messages, recorded conversations, clips from her live streams, and more. So a half-assed partial admission won’t work. It would have to be the whole shebang and it would have to be very public. Her narcissism won’t allow her to make such an admission so this site will likely be up for years to come. I run my own servers and just renewed the hosting agreements at the various data centers I use for the next 5 years.

If you’re pissed off that there’s a site about her and you think it should be taken down, then encourage her to come clean. It costs me nothing to maintain this site so I can leave it on autopilot for the next decade or more.

Not interested…hard pass

Whoever is behind the lyingPOS account on instagram, please stop trying to involve me in your bullshit. I want nothing whatsoever to do with that madness. Yes, Arianna is a lying POS and should own up to her bullshit but shoving it in peoples faces is not my thing. I set up a website and kept my mouth shut. I don’t condone going around and pushing your shit on others.

I don’t care that you’re still in her circle and she doesn’t know who you are. I don’t care that you have more recordings for me. I don’t care that you have proof of other crimes she’s committed or that she’s used and lied about other people.

If it’s who I think it is (based on the apology comment that I refuse to publish or respond to) then you were part of the problem in the beginning with the death threats and bullshit. If you want to turn yourself in to the police, by all means, be my guest. If you want to implicate Arianna in inciting people to harass me, talk to the cops not me.

You do your thing but leave me TF out of it.

Update: here let me try to be a bit more compassionate. Look, I get that you may feel betrayed. You trusted someone who you thought was being victimized and found out that it was all lies. Ok. If you did fucked up shit because you believed them then THAT problem is with you not them. Stop trying to set people up and either confront them or walk away. Trust me, walking away from her is life changing.

Now leave me TF out of your shit

3 months, seriously?

Arianna: Ok. Let’s see if after today he takes down the website even tho I haven’t said shit about him in 3 months.

This is the kind of person Arianna is. After lying about me for over a year and actively inciting people to attack and harass me, she thinks I should take down the site just because she hasn’t said shit about me in 3 months. That BTW is a lie. The whole not saying shit about me thing is pure fiction.

Just a couple of weeks ago she went on a 20 minute rant about how she was fed up with people who go to her live streams, catch her lying, and then screen record her lying and send it to me. That wasn’t back in May (3 months ago) that was 3 weeks ago at the beginning of July. In that rant she called me all sorts of names and even trotted out a new fiction since everyone now knows about her old lies. I’ll spare you the details.

So the lying piece of shit wants me to take down the site that I was forced to erect because of her piece of shit lies.

Let me say that again: She, Arianna, is a lying piece of shit. The only reason this site exists is because she lied about me so much that people started making death threats, there was zero reason for this site to exist otherwise and she knows that. She knew it at the time and I even tried to have her put an end to the BS before it got to the point of me needing to create a website with her name to get the truth out. Now, she thinks that 1) I’m dumb enough to believe that she’s not still spreading lies about me and 2) I should take down the site just because of a 3 month period where she alleges that she hasn’t talked (and presumably, as a result, hasn’t lied) about me.

She hasn’t owned up to the lies. She hasn’t recanted the bullshit. All she’s done is play the victim and act like I’m the unreasonable one because I had the audacity to stand up for myself and not accept her bullshit.

How can you assert that you’ve not said anything about me for 3 months when two weeks ago you were lying about me (again), this website, and “certain agencies” saying that I was “really big” and you should just block me? You claim to have been bullied all because people found out that you’re a lying piece of shit and instead of trying to be a better person you lie more?

Arianna, if you really want me to take down the site all you have to do is stop being a piece of shit and recant all the lies. I mean every single one. Go read Comment and Questions let me know when you’ve uploaded your video and we can talk. Until then, no… I’m not taking it down period. You can stop wondering now.


Please stop sending me videos and audio of Arianna

For those that didn’t know, most of the videos posted here on this site came from the people who watch Arianna’s streams on MeetMe. The people she thinks are her ‘fans’ turn around and send me things all the time and now I’m asking for them to stop. I’ve already told my friends to stop bringing her BS around me but there are a bunch of people who know of me only because she constantly talks about me (like she’s obsessed or something) and they tracked me down to send me clips of her lunacy.

I appreciate that so many of you find it entertaining to watch someone meltdown and self destruct but I do not. I do not care about Arianna and her bullshit. I got out and suggest you do the same. Her rants, her lies, her drama, her fake tears and everything else is just part of a cry for attention from a deeply insecure, alcoholic, substance-abusing person with zero coping skills for navigating this world as an adult.

There’s absolutely nothing I have to gain by watching or listening to her, ZERO. Best case scenario: she apologizes and owns up to the bullshit she’s responsible for. It’ll never happen but if it did, it would be just another manipulation tactic. She feeds off of attention. Stop feeding into her delusions.

The second best thing I ever did in my life was to stop caring about Arianna completely. I can’t tell you how freeing it was. I don’t hate her because I just don’t care enough to hate her. It’s a great place to be in and it’s here I plan to stay so don’t darken my days with BS and drama she’s not worth it.

What it’s like trying to talk to an idiot who doesn’t understand communication

Here’s the text of the message I actually sent:

Save your time and breath. You apparently never cared for me the way I cared for you and I gave you multiple outs over and over again. You should have told me instead of having me dangling out there like a fucking fool. You strung me along and let me tell you about my plans for our future when you never took us seriously in the first place.

If you can’t talk to me now, when I’m telling you that I NEED to hear your voice because I’m lost, then I’ll obviously never matter enough to be worth your time.

Arianna’s latest lies and bullshit about me

This is what Arianna has claimed about me most recently (as of mid April, 2020). This is here simply for reference because I’ll refer back to some of these in subsequent posts.

All of this is simply an attempt by Arianna to gain access to the audio of her having sex with Dylan. She’s probing to see who can give her the password so she can gauge how to respond and attempt to discredit me. EVERYTHING she asserts below is a lie but then again it’s easy to lie and just let others deal with the fall out.

Of course she fucked Dylan

Update (5/11/2020): Arianna REALLY doesn’t want you to know that she’s a “lesbian” who fucks guys. She (or someone on her behalf) had YouTube remove the original video embedded below. Too bad for her that I always have contingency plans.

Interesting the things that come out when they’re drunk.

A Ramble about feels

This is a note that I’d sent to Arianna in September of 2019 just before we broke up. This elucidates several issues and insecurities that she later used against me because she’s a manipulative piece of shit.

I’m now apprehensive about bringing up things based on the way our conversation went after VidCon. Never the less, I have to look out for my own psychological wellbeing and it’s not fair for me to avoid communicating. 

Standard Disclaimer here


I’m not leaving you. I’m not going anywhere. I feel it’s important for you to know where my head is with regard to certain things and everything I say is in the spirit of love, sharing, and openness.

Me and my insecurities and uncertainty


Before VidCon I felt like I knew where I stood and who I was to you. All of that was thrown out the window when things went down the way they did over the course of several days. It wasn’t one thing it was a bunch of things piled up one after the other.

Before VidCon, I knew absolutely that you were a lesbian who was not attracted to men, at all. After VidCon, I felt like you’re a lesbian who’s just not attracted to me

Before VidCon, I felt like I was the one guy who you trusted and that we could share any and everything. After VidCon, I felt like there were things kept from me and that I hadn’t been as trusted or as special as I once thought.

Before VidCon, I’d hoped (but never expected) that we would be able to explore sexuality and being sexual without having sex. I get that you’re a lesbian and I never expected you to be into me, physically. At the same time, women have vibrators and they’re not into metal and plastic. I brought up the topic three specific times and you seemed uncomfortable with it so I dropped it. As much as I love giving pleasure, it’s not a deal breaker for me. After VidCon, part of the betrayal I felt was due to my perception that you were willing to explore sexuality with a man and that man wasn’t me. Suddenly it wasn’t “oh she’s a lesbian and I’m the special guy who’s still not a girl” it was “oh.. I get it, I’m the punk/chump and she’s just into different types of men”

Before VidCon, I felt like we could be physically affectionate and that it was just a slow process because we don’t get to see each other that often. After VidCon, I realized that you’re just not comfortable being physically affectionate with me because I’m male.

Before VidCon, I thought you were proud to be in the relationship we’d built together. After VidCon, I felt like you were ashamed to admit that you had a boyfriend.

Side note: This was compounded later by your comments about you not being in a “real relationship” since Victoria. I get it, I’m not a chick. I don’t like feeling that I’m just a place holder until you find what you really want.

There’s more but I’m not trying to list every single thing. Also, it’s important to understand that I’m talking about how things FEEL/FELT to me. I understand that reality is frequently different from ones perception and further that one can FEEL one way about something in the moment but understand that the momentary feeling is not the totality of the situation.

Also, I’m not asking for you to change anything. I’m JUST taking about how I feel.

Because of the recent upheaval, I’ve been trying to figure out where I sit. We had a huge emotionally draining conversation and then I stopped hearing from you and wasn’t able to talk to you and I’m left drifting. You mentioned needing to take a break (from social media) and I respect that. I stopped calling you. We message occasionally and I’m trying not to be needy but I’m feeling super insecure.

You talked to Jelly after all the BS she pulled and I’m thinking “why can she talk to Jelly during this ‘break’ but not me?”. It’s not like I actually care but my insecurities start taking over. 

Same thing with Dillon being at your place. I look at the comments in your stream and think “yeah.. no one knows that I’m her BF and they think this guy (who looks more like Dino than he looks like me) is her boyfriend”. Worse, I’m thinking “soooo she sends out multiple snaps with her and Dillon together but never sent one with the two of us.” Again, I don’t REALLY care but my insecurity starts going all over the place with this like that. I feel like a dick for not just being happy that Damien has a friend he’s comfortable with but in the back of my head I feel like the breakthrough we had before I left was usurped by this new thing with Dillon and that hurts. It shouldn’t and I should get over myself but the FEELINGS are that. Also, I didn’t know who Dillon was or even that he’d be staying with you. As a partner I try to let you know about all of the major things going on in my life and I feel like I don’t get the same in return.

The reasons I can’t spend much time in your live stream(s)


  1. It’s hard not being able to call you and talk about life-partner stuff and then try to compete for your attention with everyone else. It’s shitty when you’re sober and maddening when you’re drunk. Today, for example, I waited for you to end your live so that we could talk about the Chucky Doll and it never happened because you were drunk and didn’t know what you were saying or doing.
  2. It’s demeaning to be your boyfriend and listen to you go on about “…I’m a lesbian…you don’t have anything that can satisfy me….” or “…no no because you have that silly ridiculous thing called a penis…”. I get that it’s your way of rebuffing unwanted advances from men. It would be nice if I didn’t have to be emasculated at the same time.
  3. I’m broken. I don’t know if you realize how many times you say “that’s (so hot” to guys when you battle them or when they’re in your box. It used to never bother me. Now it triggers severe anxiety
  4. The person you are when you’re drunk. I just can’t watch that anymore. It used to be a rarity and now it’s the norm. It would be one thing if you took responsibility for the things you do and say but several times you’ve been like “I was drunk… I don’t know” or “noooo I didn’t say that… did I?”
  5. I don’t know where I fit in anymore.

Wrapping up


Much of the above is on me to figure out. I don’t want you to feel like I’m asking for anything from you other than understanding. I know that you love me. Knowing alone doesn’t keep me from feeling certain ways at certain times.

What is it that you want?


When I got into this relationship with you I knew that things would be challenging. There’s the distance; The schedules we have to honor and work with (your son’s, my wife’s, etc); our politics; the emotional baggage that we each bring.

I didn’t start a fake relationship with you. I love you and I’m committed to you. What I want out of our relationship is love, physical (non-sexual) and emotional affection, duty (meaning my duty to you… a sense of knowing what I can do for you), honor (honoring each other as partners in life), respect ( I wouldn’t allow someone to disrespect you; I would hope you’d not let someone disrespect me), and a long future that we plan and build together.

I don’t know what you want out of our relationship. 

Side notes:

  1. on respect: I say “I would hope…” because you seem to be completely dismissive of the issues of (dis)respect that occur between men. When I mentioned the thing about me supporting Dino (by gifting, and promoting his streams, and talking to him about working out together) you asked when I was doing all that as if the timeframe was relevant to the issue of disrespect. I knew of Dino in Feb and was trying to support him through May when he disappeared. That’s only four months. It doesn’t matter when within the four months you two started having your sexual conversations. What matters, for me, is that I supported your “friend” and that “friend” disrespected our relationship. I don’t care whether he did it in March or May. His conduct was disrespectful to our relationship and I will forever have an issue with him as a result. I don’t expect you to really get it but the way you dismissed it was disconcerting. I’m telling you that there as an issue of respect that’s important to me and you poo-poo’d it. If you don’t understand it, I would hope you’d have enough respect for me and my calm and rational demeanor to understand that there is a real issue there even if you can’t SEE the issue yourself. Similarly, Jelly was disrespectful to me (as an individual) and to us as a couple and as friends who extended several courtesies to her. I’m baffled as to why you continued to speak to her given that she had disrespected you partner and made no attempts to make amends. If someone disrespects you once, they are out of my life period. If they want to apologize and you accept it, cool. If not, they can GTFO. That’s the type of honor and respect I have for you.
  2. You’ve rewritten the history of us becoming an item. The last time it came up you said “…when you asked, I was like well yeah we’re basically already like boyfriend and girlfriend…”. For the record: You, in your live stream told me that I was now your boyfriend. I said “don’t play, you know I already love you.” You said “no I’m serious, tell Waterbear that you’re my boyfriend”. To which I replied “ok, if you’re serious, send me your address and I’ll get you a now-we’re-dating gift”. That’s when you sent me your mother’s address in Encinitas and that’s when I ordered the flowers. I wanted to follow up with you when we met in person to talk about expectations and it was important for me to let you know that 1) I respected your boundaries and who you were as a person and 2) that I’m not interested in casual/disposable relationships. I’m in this for the long haul as a dedicated partner.

Response to more of Arianna’s manipulation attempts

This is a response I had to Arianna about more of her BS. At this point I hadn’t identified her manipulation techniques. She kept asserting that things were my fault when I’d done nothing wrong.

I thought quite a bit about your response and I wanted to make sure I gave due consideration to the things you mentioned.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

First, I’d like to clarify the actual issue I was bringing up because It seems to have been conflated with “you talk to person X more than me” and it’s really two other separate issues.

We don’t speak that often and not speaking to you causes me anxiety. I’m a protector and a problem solver. I feel disconnected and useless when I don’t know what’s going on.
There are times that I expect (based on your words/actions) or need to talk to you but can’t.
Example A: When you said “I’ll call you back later” the other day. I had needed to talk to you about some trip planning. You didn’t call me back but you did go live. That leaves me with the feeling that going live is more important than keeping your word to call me back.
Example B: When I was trying to place the order for your Good Guy Doll. I had asked you about the specifics of the order in your live stream and you said you’d end your live to call me. I never heard from you. In both cases I was waiting and ended up feeling like a fool because instead of talking to me you were live streaming and getting drunk.
Example C: I was trying to talk to you some time after I got out of the hospital and I couldn’t. When I finally got ahold of you it was like we couldn’t talk freely because you had company (Dylan was over). You asked me to join your live later which I did but it was frustrating trying to have an actual conversation with you while Dylan was there (physically) distracting you and people in your stream divided your attention.
Example D: We spoke the morning before the wedding and I just wanted to catch up on some things. You told me you had to go and said you’d call me back after the wedding and I never heard from you.

So those are the actual issues that I was trying to communicate. I never thought you talked to Dylan more than me, and even if you did, I’m not jealous like that. I hope you talk to people more than me because I don’t talk to you that often. The issues I have with Dylan are complex and nuanced. I should probably not have mentioned him because some of those issues deal with my insecurities and some deal with the stuff I mentioned above. It’s his connection to the above that has me resent him as a symbol of me not being able to talk to you when I need(ed) to. Additionally I resent him for other reasons.

That whole part of the conversation was one big misunderstanding. I get that your perception of that conversation shaped and affected you in ways that can’t be undone. At the same time, what I was actually saying and what you thought I was saying were two completely different things. I never cared about my image. The point I was trying to make is that people will do fucked up things based on incomplete or incorrect understandings of relationships and such. Example: the fuck-wit who tried to block me from leaving the party with you because he didn’t know I was your boyfriend. Imagine if you weren’t coherent enough to nod “yes” when asked if you knew me. Imagine if it had been a cop instead of just some fuck-wit at the party. I put my life in your hands every time we are out together because the assumption by many is that we don’t belong together so obviously you must be the victim and I the aggressor. Applied to the conversation we were having at the time: it’s a matter of life and death if someone (say Dino) expects to be able to approach you and I intervene. There’s no way to know how they will respond. If you’re intoxicated and can’t articulate then it becomes a matter of his word against mine because no one else knows that I’m your boyfriend. If punches are thrown and we both say “she’s with me” people are going to assume that I’m the one being untruthful and that’s dangerous. That’s the point I was making. It’s not bout my image. It’s about how I’m seen.

My “Final” Response to Arianna about her Delusional Bullshit

After receiving my note about what I needed moving forward Arianna tried to do more gas lighting. For those that don’t know Arianna is a manipulative piece of shit. She tries to figure out the exact right things to say to people to make them trust her and then she systematically breaks them down. This is nothing new. It’s what abusive men do to their partners all the time and it’s well understood. Below you’ll see, first, her response which is long, rambling, and incoherent. Below that you’ll see my response to her.

When I didn’t get a phone call from you I canceled the flight. I didn’t read your ramble right away because I figured it would be more of the same BS with you rewriting history and attacking me for things I didn’t actually say or do. here’s an example: 

” I just screamed at damien because of YOU”

No, you screamed at Damien because you have shitty coping mechanisms, a habit of straw man making and ad hominem attacks,  misplaced anger, and difficulty communicating. That’s not an attack on you just an observation stated plainly. Take responsibility for your own shit

and another example: 

Blue: I do not recall a single instance of you telling me that anything that *I* did was disrespectful to you. I do remember you attacking me baselessly for shit you thought I was saying when that’s not at all what I’d actually said but even then you never brought up an issue of respect just blindly and incorrectly rage filled drivel.
Orange: I’m not DEMANDing anything. I’m telling you what I need if you want my participation. If you don’t want my participation you can always walk away. You could stand your ground and watch me walk away. It’s a choice. You can do what you want. 
Red: This is more of your history rewriting. We never said anything of the sort. What we had “CLEAR COMMUNICATION” about was:

  1. That you were concerned that “advertising” the fact that you had a boyfriend would make you less able to pursue relationships with lesbians because you felt that many lesbians would judge you.
    • The conversation was very specifically about lesbians and we talked about you not changing your status on meetme after the breakup with Victoria
    • You later said that you’d never deny being in a relationship with me and that even though you don’t advertise the fact that you have a boyfriend you always tell people when they ask that “yes PuddyTat is my boyfriend”. 
      • Do you have any idea how many videos people have sent me from your live streams where you outright and flatly deny being in a relationship or having a boyfriend or being with me? I’ve heard you call me a “dear friend” or a “boy….friend”.
  2. We were in a non-monogamous relationship which you identify as “polygamist”,  which meant that we could both pursue relationships with others
    • Again, there’s a difference between pursuing relationships with others and denying the relationships you’re in. I mentioned this when we first talked after I sent you the text message about how you had declared me your boyfriend and that we should figure out what that meant for both of us.
    • let me be clear again: The issues with Dino and Dylan were never about whether you’d fucked them. It was about your marginalization of my role in your life.
      • I do a lot for you. I put up with a ton of shit from you. No one goes out of their way to be as courteous and considerate as I am for you only to be attacked, lied to, and abused the way you do me. All this and you expect me to sit by like an idiot while you deny that I’m your boyfriend? dafuq??
  3. That you were not interested in doing anything with men in general (including me) but that if you were to do something you’d want to do it “with my boyfriend” and that you
    • You know that you should have told Dino about us (which you admitted in our last conversation) and you know that you should have told me about the conversations with Dino (which you also admitted)
    • You have been physically intimate with Dylan who’s only a friend but not with me who was your “boyfriend” I am not wiling to be in a relationship with that disparity. I’m just not. It violates what we had actually talked about and agreed to and its selfish bullshit for you to think that is ok.

Look, it’s apparent that you don’t have the ability to give me what I want in a relationship and that has nothing to do with sex or you being a lesbian. It has to do with your complete lack of integrity and accountability. I love you. I really do. I want you to be happy. I thought I could be apart of that happiness but it’s apparent that you’re too selfish and self-absorbed for me to deal with. I can’t talk to you without you jumping to conclusions and attacking me. I’m not important enough for you to talk to me when I’m telling you that NEED to hear your voice because I’m lost and scared after you publicly betrayed, denied, and ended our relationship. Every time I stand up for myself you attack me.
I’m not interested in making life difficult for you. I want as little pain for you as possible in life because I actually fucking care about you. I honestly do not believe that you ever really cared for me. Maybe I’m mistaken but it looks like all you wanted was the benefits of having me think we were in a relationship while you go on and act like I’m basically a sugar daddy buying you shit left and right. That’s the most logical conclusion. I can’t say that it is a certainty but probability is very high.
I want you to have closure on things because I know how it can eat at a person to have unresolved issues and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone the women I spent a year devoted to who shat on my heart, my self-respect, and my wife’s honor. 

“You know I think? I think I drove u fucking crazy because you have clearly never had a strong independent woman who sets her own boundaries.”
Do you have any idea how this statement impugns the integrity, honor, and  character of my wife? You make these broad statements in anger and don’t understand that words ALWAYS mean something whether said in jest, in anger, in the fog or intoxication, always. I will not stand for anyone to disrespect my wife. For this, fuck you. An apology will not fix this. There is no fixing this we are done permanently.

I want you out of my life as quickly as possible at this point. I’m willing to give you closure but it had better be done quickly because fuck you.

Are you seriously that fucking delusional? I mean fuck at a certain point you’re too far divorced from reality for it to even be worth trying to communicate.
“At this point you should know how disrespectful I felt u were when u went on snap to begin with and literally aired our whole relationship status that is PERSONAL information to me.”

  1. No, you did that when you were live streaming with Dylan and said “This is my only boyfriend”. YOU gave everyone our relationship status at that moment. I only confirmed that I was not in a relationship with the person who’d disrespected me.
  2. it wasn’t your PERSONAL information. I never put your name in it. In fact I went out of my way to avoid putting your name out there.
  3. It’s my story to tell. I can talk about me and what happened to me. You don’t get to police my views just because you happen to be connected to part of the tale.

“it is not my fault that the way we both perceive disrespect is completely different from each other. And I’ve always been this way, I DIDNT change, you did”

Yes, we obviously have a different perception of disrespect and that’s fine. The problem is that you’re not honest with yourself. You think you didn’t change but every time we speak about our relationship you rewrite a bit of history to justify something fucked up you did. 

“That shit with Dylan that night, I’m sorry, but nothing happened and I did NOTHING WRONG. Even my sister says so.”

  1. You, broke your word to me about not denying our relationship – I”d say that’s something wrong
  2. You, were being physically intimate with him in the exact ways we had discussed being an issue for you with me “because I’m a lesbian” for which you attacked me – that’s wrong and a double standard
  3. Beyond that you kissed him, he smacked your ass, you tongue jousted, you had your mouth all over him: his shoulder, his neck, his ear. I have video of it all – another breaking of your word
  4. I don’t care what anyone says who only heard your distorted version. You yelled at me saying that you never did anything to insinuate that you two were together when you had called him your “only boyfriend”.  I can’t trust anything you say to me let alone anything you say to anyone else. If your sister wants to weigh in she can hear my side of it and see the video I have.

“I did apologize for the affect it had on I despite me thinking it wouldn’t. I’m telling you now and I already told u how I felt disrespected and yet, u clearly don’t care as u want a PUBLIC apology when I have NEVER publicly done that IN MY LIFE and sorry, not about to disrespect myself just to make u feel better.”

You publicly insulted and marginalized me. I’m not willing to let that go unanswered. You can chose to justify it any way you want. The bottom line is that what you did was wrong, you even said as much when we spoke after the fact. You did it in a public and embarrassing way. The right and proper way to address it is a public apology. If you don’t have the integrity to do that the I chose not to have you in my life. It’s that simple.

“You want to bitch about ur mental state when I have a CHILD WITH SIBs COUNTING on me to be NOT HALLUCINATING and all u CAn think about is yourself and your mental state.”

No, I’m not bitching about my mental state. I’m letting you know the affect of your actions ON my mental state. This is a direct result of the shit you do by first betraying my trust and then refusing to have a rational conversation to address the violation of trust. This is all stuff that you are responsible for. I’m not saying that you’re to blame for the way I perceive things. What I’m saying is that YOUR actions created the situation and when I tried to talk to you about it you attacked me and dismissed me.
“Ok I was wrong. If I am the cause of ur mental illnesses going wrong, then you are DEFINITELY the cause of mine and the fact that I almost killed myself IS YOU’RE fault”

  1. No one mentioned mental illness with regard to me so please stop rewriting history and misrepresenting what I said (again)
  2. No, your shitty behavior (which you admitted you knew was shitty and wrong) caused you to feel guilty. Your shitty coping skills caused you to internalize and alienate. None of that is my fault. Learn to take responsibility for your own shit

“ur telling me all ur anxiety and shit is my fault? Well then, ever since that conversation at vidcon, I fuckin g tried to kill myself. It was because of u and how YOU MADE ME FEEL.”

No, I’m actually not saying that. What I said was that you created a situation and I have a complex related to that situation. When I tried to talk to you about it you were dismissive and when I told you that I had anxiety about it you didn’t seem to care based on your behavior. So 1) stop misrepresenting what I said and 2) stop attacking me baselessly
Let’s revisit the order of events: 

  1. you betray my trust with Dino
  2. You start hanging out with Dylan
  3. I tell you that I have some specific concerns and issues with your conduct with Dylan given recent events including the issues with Dino
  4. You don’t listen and instead assume that I’m worry about you two fucking and say shit llike “we’re just friends” or “I talk to you way more than anyone else including Dylan” which does nothing to address my actual issues
  5. I let you know that it’s difficult for me to watch you hangout with Dylan because it plays on my insecurities related to the betrayal with Dino. I tell you that I have a complex and that Dylan is the trigger
  6. You go live with Dylan proceed to kiss him, bite him, lick him, hang all over him in a way that lovers do, and declare that he’s your “only boyfriend”
  7. I ask you (via text) whether there is anything going on between you two
  8. You yell at me and insult me saying that you thought I’d know you better and that you two are only friends and that you never did anything to insinuate that you two were ever together
  9. I show you a short clip of you saying he was your only boyfriend
  10. You attack me again claiming that didn’t show when you mentioned me (as if that was somehow relevant to the issue at hand– By the way that’s called “moving the goal post” on the list of logical fallacies)

From my perspective, and admittedly it is MY perspective: everything above is a result of your actions and assumptions. You do something fucked up, I try to communicate with you, you attack me. that creates an environment of anxiety. 
On the other hand. You assert that I’m responsible for the shit that you do as if I control both my actions and yours. When you do something fucked up I don’t blame you for my response. I take responsibility for my own actions. You want to blame your actions on me because you don’t know better ways to deal with shit. That’s not my fault… it’s yours for being an adult and not learning how to be a decent fucking person.

“And yet all you can talk about it is your insecurity. Wow. How fuckin selfish of u”
Again another baseless attack. I think it’s pretty evident that this is a pathetic attempt to deflect. I won’t spend further time on it

“How dare u hold yourself in such high esteem. I’m glad u have that confidence. But serious, who the hell do you think u are talking down at me like that because we have different opinions on disrespect.”
I’m the wounded party. I’m the person who was told publicly that they didn’t matter because Dylan was your only boyfriend. I’m the person embarrassed that the woman who I’ve been loyal to and defended and stood by just discarded me so cavalierly. Most importantly I’m an person who understands what he will and will not tolerate in a relationship. I wasn’t “talking down to you”. I was standing up for myself. YOU ended our relationship with your words and actions. I was responding with it takes for me to consider being in a new relationship. If you’re too blinded by selfishness to see that and understand that then I don’t know what to tell you.

“U have done NOTHING but disrespect me, publicly saying things about our relationship on snap without even asking me about it??? ID NEVER DO THAT TO YOU BECAUSE ITS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL.”
Hypocrisy much? So at first you say “I did nothing wrong even my sister says so” Then you’re like “it’s disrespectful to talk about my relationship status” when that’s what you did and you did it first and when you did it you denied the relationship you were in at the time… how TF do you even????

“Also. Not to mention the fact that ur DEMANDING physical contact from someone who was in a relationship with a serial rapist and u used to respect my intimacy issues. And this right here is a BIG REASON I don’t feel comfortable with u anymore. DEMANDING INTIMACY?! Who the fuck do u think u are… seriously.”
Wow could you possibly be more delusional? 

  1. I’m not demanding anything. You make it sound as if we’re in a locked room and I just told you to get naked and wrap your body around mine. What I actually said was “If we’re going to be together…” No one is making you do anything or demanding that you do anything. All I’m doing is stating what I will and won’t accept if you want a relationship with me. That’s perfectly valid and fuck you for distorting that in such a fucked up and vile manner
  2. The fact that you were in a relationship with a serial rapist has nothing to do with me. Yes I’m sympathetic to it but stop waving your victim flag as if I’m somehow further victimizing you because
    1. I’m talking specifically about non-sexual physical intimacy which is clear from the context of what I wrote. The sort that you seem perfectly fine sharing with Dylan and Jelly but not with your “boyfriend”
    2.  You’re not the only victim of rape here. Fuck you for insinuating that I’d be so insensitive 

It’s easy to distort what someone says and argue against that distortion (that’s The Straw Man on that list of logical fallacies). If you have an issue what what I actually said I’m open to hearing it.
Since you mentioned “feel[ing] comfrotable…anymore” let me state that I don’t trust you anymore. Your delusional self has equated me (in words) with the conduct of a rapist. As a black male I do not trust you (a skinny white women) with my safety.

“On top of the fact that u practically broke up with me on fucking Snapchat to ALL YOURE friends who you’re image is so very clearly more important to you than my feelings and MY SANITY. Which. No offense you REALLY CLEARLY do not care about.”
No, you broke up with me when you announced to the world that Dylan was your “only boyfriend”. And yes, I care about your sanity but no matter what I do or say you’ll distort it to be the victim. 

“Telling me I lied when the truth is, I told you EVERYTHING about Dino, just late. It was fucked up but I lied through omission, not deception and then I told u EVERYTHING. Which isn’t lying anymore and we should have been past this a long time ago but u just kept stringing it o it for no reason. We’ve talked about it enough for it to be over and done with and we clearly still disagree which is BOTH OUR FAULTS, and now u wanna push that shit onto Dylan?”
More bullshit.

  1. The issue with Dino wasn’t ONLY that you told me late but if you haven’t understood that by now there’s no fucking hope
  2. You don’t know how to fucking listen. Yes we talked about Dino and we talked about the fact that the Dino issue created trust issues. You completely disregard the issues of trust. We should have been able to rebuild trust but you just dismissed it. That is why Dylan is an issue.
  3. Every time I tried talking to you you attacked me and dismissed my concerns without actually listening and understanding what I was saying
  4. We could have been past this but you weren’t capable of showing me the respect and consideration that I deserved

“Btw I’d never disrespect you (well what I find disrespectful) and break up with u and have to hear it over Snapchat.”
Right you’d do it over MeetMe instead

“And honestly. U seriously don’t give a fuck about Damien.”Arianna, fuck you for this statement. I will never forgive you for making that ridiculous assertion. 

“Oh wait. One last thing. I NEVER used ANY of your recourses on anybody else. EVER. Except Damien. And you have damien things personally. OK NOW IM DONE”

  1. I wasn’t claiming that you had. I was (for the last fucking time) simply telling you what I would need if we were going to consider having a relationship again.
    1. The reason it came up on the list is that you seemed perfectly fine to use my resources for the women you were pursuing (Jelly, Ms. Janz, TayTay, Anna, etc)
  2. You did ask me to buy Liquor for Dylan like an insensitive selfish asshole RIGHT after I tried to talk to you about my insecurities and complex
  3. You did take the edibles I’d bought to a party to “share” them with other people. You’re so fucking selfish that you don’t even realize the selfish shit you do

“And it sucks, but u lashed out at me too in that letter. I felt attacked. I felt like u were trying to control me. I felt like you are trying to change me and blaming me for the way I am. Ur right. I am a child. I never claimed not to be. But u always knew that didn’t you?“
No, I didn’t lash out at you. I spoke plainly and matter of factly. You perceive that I’m lashing out every time I stand up for myself. I can’t help your fucked up percdeptions.

“Whether u change or not is not my problem, u either continue to love who you fell in love with or u break up. And u did break up with me on Snapchat. U said “as for my relationship with her, we are not together because of the disrespect, and I refuse to be with someone who is so disrespectful.” And we have different opinions on what is respectful in an open relationship and what is not”
Ok so let me get this straight. You go on your live and tell the world that Dylan is your only boyfriend and that’s not breaking up with me but I go on Snapchat and tell the 50 or 60 people connected to me that I’m not in a relationship with the woman who just told the world that she’s Dylan is her only boyfriend and somehow I’m the asshole who’s telling people about your personal business?

  1. I asked you about it and you refused to talk to me (at the time)
  2. When I couldn’t in touch with you and you weren’t responding to me I finally made a statement that only confirmed what you had already declared
    1. If Dylan is your only boyfriend the obviously I am not

I don’t understand how you think you can turn this around to be me breaking up with you on snap. You did that when you said Dylan was your only BF

Me and my issues and what I need moving forward

This is a copy of the letter I had sent to Arianna AFTER we broke up. She’d been talking as if she wanted to get back together and I was not inclined to put up with more of her bullshit. If we were going to try it I needed to have her understand that I wasn’t going to put up with any more bullshit.

I spent a great deal of time distilling down what the issues are for me and what I need moving forward. This is an attempt to capture what’s in my head.
Side notes:

Love Languages by Gary Chapman   

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward    I recommend reading these to get an idea of some of the topics I’ll bring up. They are short reads and generally beneficial for understanding how to think about relationships.       Read up on “Tie signs” as it relates to romantic relationships. 
Other people and what they think: There is a difference between caring what other people think and having basic self respect and dignity. I am sick of being disrespected. I’m sick of you being an accessory to said disrespect. I’m stick of you contributing to and perpetuating the disrespect.


  1. I trusted you to honor our relationship and that trust was violated in two ways
  2. you weren’t forthcoming about our relationship with him
  3. you weren’t forthcoming about the conversations you had with him

This had the affect of making me feel like a fool because I’d supported Dino as your “friend” and he was trying to fuck you. I can’t tell you how fucked up that makes me feel.
Dylan:     Part of the problem is the disconnect on what the actual issue is with Dylan. I never had an issue with how much you speak to him. I do not care whether you talk to or see him more than you talk to or see me. You constantly saying “we’re just friends” is the exact WRONG way to address my concerns. 1) I wasn’t worried about that so you mentioning it makes it one more thing that I feel the need to question 2) My issues are:

  1. I do not believe that he isn’t after more than friendship. You can say whatever you want but I know how I feel about it and there’s no changing that
  2. your conduct and physical contact with him is offensive and off putting
  3. you shouldn’t be drinking and he encourages you to drink
  4. the innuendo, ass slapping, biting, licking, etc is disrespectful
  5. He triggers my anxiety about Dino — To clarify the issue with Dino was never about whether you two were physical. It’s about you marginalizing me and others not understanding and respecting the role I play in your life.
  6. The fact that you called him your “only boyfriend” on your live stream is disrespectful and plays even more on my insecurities
  7. The fact that he doesn’t clarify that you two are just friends and that you’re in a relationship is disrespectful
  8. You said he was your best friend as well. I’ve known you for a year and change.  I, as far as I know, am actually your best friend. I mean that quantitatively and qualitatively. I am a better friend to you than anyone else I know of in your life yet you call that fucker your best friend. The fucker who almost broke your Tommy doll and is generally obnoxious….ok

    The right answer on Dylan would have looked like “you’re right what we did was disrespectful and I care about you enough to tell him what’s wrong and ask for an apology. If he won’t apologize, I’ll do what needs to be done to make sure you understand that I love and respect you.”  instead I got “yeah I know he spat in your face but he really likes my dad so you’ll just have to deal with him continuing to spit in your face because….reasons”. 
    It’s not my fault that you abided disrespectful behavior and dishonored our relationship. YOU DID THAT. Your reluctance to confront it and take the appropriate action tells me that you probably don’t respect me enough to have an open and honest relationship. if you care more about your relationship with Dylan than doing the right thing for me, then you should focus on that and I’ll focus on getting over you.
I’m a different person now than when we started dating a year ago. I’m not willing to take the same shit now that I was willing to take then. Part of it is me just being in a different place given my experiences. Part of it is being fed up with bullshit.
If we’re going to be friends: 

  • I need a public apology for the disrespectful conduct, comments, and lack of transparency about us being in a relationship.
  • You need to make sure that I don’t cross paths with Dylan. There is zero BS in that statement
  • You need to understand that I’m broken and I cannot watch your live streams without it adversely affecting my psyche.

If we’re going to be “together”, all of the above plus:

  • I’m not interested in ‘dating’ only in ‘partnering’ for life. That means a whole different approach to  commitment and responsibility in the relationship — There is a difference between polygamy and not caring. I’m fully in support of an open relationship but open means open communication as much as it means open to exploring relationship with other people.
  • I’m not taking a back seat on physical intimacy anymore. If you can’t be comfortable being physical (not sexual) with me then you don’t deserve my time and attention
  • I’m not going to be a dirty little secret. If you can’t be proud and upfront about the fact that you’re in a relationship with me then I’m not willing to be in the relationship.
  • If I’m not primary partner, then I’m not investing my time/money into the future of the relationship unit (couple, threeple, pod, whatever)
  • You fully own everything you do whether drunk or sober
  • No more disrespect; that includes not abiding others being disrespectful
  • you don’t ask me for alcohol
  • you never use my resources on/for another person — exceptions for Ms. Janz and Healing Power everyone else can go fuck themselves until I feel comfortable about us and where we are.

    I understand that you want to find a lesbian wife and I want you to find someone that makes you happy. I get that you feel that you’ll be judged and never get an opportunity with the women you MIGHT be able to be happy with if they know upfront that you have a BF. I’m not willing to deal with the BS anymore. If chasing a potential relationship is more important than honoring your existing relationship, I’ll wish you luck and remove myself from the situation. I spent quite a bit of time on this one, I’m not willing to be marginalized and disrespected anymore.
I get the disparity in our situations with me having a wife and you wanting a wife. I’m onboard with with non-monagomy, and getting out of the way of your pursuit of relationships as long as you keep me informed. 
Why the change?
I thought I could trust you. it’s been shown that I can’t trust you to show me the respect that I deserve. I can’t trust you to stand up for me and our relationship the way you should. I’m fine being fast and loose with rules as long as I can trust my partner. I don’t care about the outside world when I know what’s going on internally with us. After VidCon I realized that I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t need sex as long as I have physical affection. If I can’t feel that everything is ok, why would I be in the relationship?

Some fucked up disparities and disrespectful shit
You have been talking about coming out to see me since March. you never care enough to make it happen even though I kept bringing it up. Suddenly you’re spending money to jump on a plane to Italy to seem someone you’ve never met instead of coming to see me. I get to see you if I’m willing to pay for it. She get’s to see you because you WANT to see her. Why are you willing to spend your money to see

I’ve seen you mention your trip to Italy in almost every live I’ve been in since we talked about your passport. I’ve not seen/heard you mention coming to Chicago. I’m sure you have but it’s a stark contract for me.
Maribel said/did things that were disrespectful to our relationship. I immediately stopped talking to her. You built the issue of distrust (with Dino). You created the fucked up dynamic with Dylan. I just have to deal with it.
How would you feel if you were in a relationship with a women who said “I can’t tell people that we’re dating because you’re Jewish and I want to find a Muslim to marry. Muslims would judge me for dating a Jewish chick so let me explain it to them when I get a chance and you just pretend that we’re friends until…” ? It’s not a question of how willing you are to accommodate your partner. It’s a question of how much you respect yourself and whether you’re willing to put your self respect aside. I was when I felt that I could trust you. I’m not willing to anymore, even if we rebuild trust. I’m just not.
When I mentioned the issue of physical affection you:

  1. Attacked me saying that I didn’t understand that you’re a lesbian
  2. asserted that your lack of comfort with physical affection with me was because you’re a lesbian and I have “big man energy”
  3. Told me that your comfort with Jelly was because you two had history and you and I didn’t

Your behavior with Dylan puts the lie to all of that. I don’t care that you’re affectionate with Dylan. I care that you have a limit with me that doesn’t exist for other people. The fact that you put that you put that disparity on display is offensive. The fact that it exists is disrespectful.

Everything below this line is my notes (for myself) about our upcoming talk. You can feel free to read them if you wish. I’m putting them here for reference and to be open and transparent. I’m not interested in winning a fight, if I were I’d hide my thoughts from you. What I’m interested in is getting past the BS and having and honest productive conversation

Points of curiosity

  1. When did you send the, now infamous, TXT message to TheAnthony (before or after we started dating) ?
  2. Did anything ever happen with the two of you?
  3. Did you ever have sexual contact with a male during the time we were together or after we broke up?
  4. You constantly say things to reassure me that you’re not doing anything with other men. At the same time you’ve done things when you’re drunk that you don’t remember. It’s entirely plausible that you did SOMEthing with another guy while you were drunk. Maybe sex, maybe not. I could see a scenario where something happened (say with Dylan) and you felt that you had to hide it from me because you still think I care about who you have sex with when I do not. The Dino thing was never about sex. The Dylan thing isn’t about sex. It’s about the double standard you have for “access” to you. I don’t get the same access to you as Dino did. I don’t get the same access to you that Dylan has. I mentioned this after VidCon and you trivialized it talking about how you talk to me more than other people. That missed the entire point.
  • I’d like to know what (exactly) is wrong with what I wrote to you at VidCon. You attacked and dismissed my concerns and when I claimed that there was a misunderstanding you said you understood perfectly what I was saying and proceeded to mischaracterize what I was saying.
  • When did this girl you’re going to see in Italy know about me and what did you tell her about our relationship?

After the posts I made on SnapChat, a few people (that you know…like either in real life or frequently talk to or battle or met at a party) hit me up to say basically the same thing: When they saw the way you act with Dylan, it looks like you two love each other. When they saw us together it looked like I worked for you. That’s based on YOUR behavior. The way you are physically with each of us. The point is that you don’t act like I’m a loved one (with physical affection) and I was your fucking boyfriend. You act like you love Dylan and he’s “just a friend”. That is fucked…period.
Put another way, you treat me like a serf or a servant when I’m supposed to be your boyfriend (your life partner). You treat other people (Jelly, C***, Dylan, etc) the way other people would expect you to behave with a lover or a loved one. I get your disdain for unsolicited input from others but this isn’t about them jumping to conclusions. This is about a pattern of YOUR behavior that signals to others how you feel about me relative to the people who don’t care for you as much as I do and don’t do as much for you as I have.
Put one more way, you treat me like shit and take me for granted. You are willing to take my money, gifts, etc but can’t be upfront about us being in a relationship, you don’t show me physical affection but you’ll show it to everyone else (women, and males who aren’t me). You’ll talk publicly about what I do for you (as if I’m a fan/sycophant) but have never about what I mean to you. Think about that… you have never said publicly what i mean to you. 
If we look at tie-signs, you have done nothing to tie us together in the public eye. In fact you do much to distance yourself from me publicly and engage in public displays of affection with everyone on the fucking planet BUT me.
The most logical conclusion based on the evidence is that you wanted to have me around to make use of my resources, my ability to provide for you and Damien. In fact some of the people who reached out to me commented that they thought I was your sugar daddy because they rarely saw/heard you mention me in any way that indicated I was your significant other. They heard from me or from others that we were in a relationship and that’s the only indication they had that there was anything there. How fucking pathetic is that shit? You call me babe but you also call like 50 other people babe. You say you love me but you say the same to everyone else. You call me ‘boo-boos’ but you call everyone else the same. You have very adeptly avoided making any public consistent declaration of my importance in your life. 4k

According to Gary Chapman there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time.
Think about everything I’ve done for you. Please tell me which of the above I haven’t done for you in abundance. Now think about what you have done for me: 

  • Words of affirmation — nope. You say shit like “we’re only friends” or “I talk to you more than anyone else” but you never affirm my importance, significance, or position in your life
  • physical touch — Nope
  • Acts of service — Nope
  • Quality time — Nope. Yes you spend time with me while I’m there. Much of the time you’re drunk, all of the time you’re high. You use me like a baby sitter but you never set aside time for us to connect and spend quality time together. You’ll attend events but that seems to be more about being seen and me being able to tag along (again like a servant or a sycophant) 
  • Gifts — Nope. Yes, you’ve bought me gifts and I love them. The problem is that there’s a difference between just giving a gift and giving a gift that signals significance beyond the object based on your understanding of your partner. As an example your Good Guy Doll. I know how much you wanted that and that you have an emotional attachment to it. Your Batman necklace, I got that for you because I saw it and thought you needed to have it based on my understanding of you and your interests. The batteries, first aid kit, the camera, the tripods, etc all gifts based on my understanding of your needs or interests. You have given me a cartridge, a ring, and a watch. I appreciate them all. None of them are based on YOUR understanding of what’s important or significant to me. You could argue that our shared interest in anime could be tied to the watch.

Now think about all of the above relative to other people in your life

  • Words of affirmation
  • Dylan — Yes
  • C*** — unknown
  • Jelly — Yes
  • Physical touch
  • Dylan — Yes
  • C*** — Yes
  • Jelly— Yes
  • Acts of service
  • Quality Time
  • Dylan — Yes
  • C*** — Yes
  • Jelly — Yes
  • Gifts

Questions about the recordings

Arianna says you hacked her or claimed to hack her

Arianna is a fucking idiot. She makes spurious claims all the time. She’s the kind of person who thinks you’ve said things that you never said. This is part of the reason I refuse to speak to her unless it’s recorded or witnessed by others. She lies so much that you can’t trust ANYTHING she says.

To answer the assertion. I’ve never hacked her or even claimed to have hacked her. Again: she’s a fucking idiot.

Everything I’ve said to her since November of 2019 has been recorded or sent via text. So if she has evidence of me claiming to have hacked her, I invite her to produce it. She can’t but she always makes wild ass claims and never backs them up.

How did you get audio of her an Dylan having sex?

Simple, I spoiled her and her son. I bought two Amazon Fire tablets for him to use so that she could keep her iPad to herself. At the time I didn’t realize that she’s a shitty mother who uses screens to babysit her son because she’s too self absorbed to parent properly. Anyway, I’m a developer. My amazon account is setup to “test” audio samples used for Alexa triggers (called “skills”). When they were having sex, they kept hitting one of the tablets (or her phone maybe) making Alexa get triggered. It recorded their “commands” and it happened to be sex sounds.

I only found out about it when I went in to change my passwords on my amazon account because I had given her access and realized that I didn’t trust her with the information in my account. I logged in to change passwords and review my settings when I discovered some recordings that came from a device that I don’t have at home. That’s when I put two and two together.

You can read more about Alexa and voice recording here:

She claims that it was a hack because 1) she’s a fucking idiot and 2) it’s dramatic. Calling her a birdbrain is offensive to all birds save maybe the dodo. Not sure there.

Why would she lie about fucking Dylan?

She hangs on to the idea that people take her seriously as a lesbian. To her, the whole “I’m a lesbian” thing is part of her brand. it’s a fabrication, a lie, but she holds on to it despite trying to fuck at least three different guys while she and I were together: 1) Anthony 2) Dino 3) Dylan

She’s ashamed to be herself. That’s sad but what do you expect from a woman so shitty that she yells at her 5 y/o autistic son for no reason?

What if she was so drunk that she didn’t remember having sex?

  1. If she were that drunk then Dylan may be guilty of rape. I’m not sure of the exact wording of california penal code as it relates to sexual assault buuuuuut I’m pretty sure that being incapacitated means no consent can be given. The question would be was Dylan similarly incapacitated and why would she lie about it?
  2. Do you know any woman who’s had surprise sex and not known about it immediately? She claims to have a condition called Interstitial Cystitis which makes sex painful. There’s no way she was penetrated and didn’t know immediately when she woke up that she’d been violated.
  3. Those of you who have heard the audio (of her having sex) know that she was wide awake and actively participating in it. The grunts alone tell a tale
  4. Those of you who have heard the audio of her bragging about it know that she was very cavalier in her admission and when the other person asked “What about PuddyTat?” she said “… we’re polygamists…” as if it’s ok to lie about who you fuck just because you’re in an open relationship.

Why don’t you make the recordings public?

Laws, in particular, anti-harassment and revenge porn laws in the state of California. If Arianna is so confident in her assertion lie about not fucking Dylan she can send me a release authorizing me to make any ‘adult content’ I have of her available to the public. The same would have to come from Dylan. If they didn’t have sex they should have no problem sending me releases so that I can make them available to everyone and then you can listen and decide for yourself.

The other recording (her bragging) is a different beast. The person who made it doesn’t want to be bothered with Ari and her BS. Ari has lost a number of friends because of her bullshit and this person, in particular, has had enough and doesn’t want to be identified so I’m protecting their identity.

Are you trying to destroy Arianna’s life?

Nope. Despite the fact that she’s a petty shitty person, I just want her out of my life. Unfortunately she’s too dumb to know when to stop. I told her before that I’ll defend myself publicly. If she get’s hurt in the process, oh well. All of this is her doing, not mine.

She claims you’re just obsessed with her because she wouldn’t fuck you.

  1. She tried to fuck me once when she was drunk and I declined. She got violent and if I’d known then what I know now, I would have had her arrested but then again hindsight is 20/20.
  2. uhhhhhh no. She’s not my type. I’ve never been into skinny blonde chicks. I like shapely women and she’s built like a popsicle stick but flatter. I was willing to explore sexuality with her because I loved her when I thought our relationship was real. I like to give sexual pleasure to women and I happen to be fairly practiced at it. For my “partner” I was willing to explore that but don’t get it twisted, she brought up wanting to “be with [me]” like that wayyyy more than I did. Now, I’m sure she did it just because she probably figured it was a good way to keep me from noticing how shitty a person she really is because she wanted to continue to use me. The point is that I was never into her sexually. I know other people think she’s attractive and that’s fine for them. She’s not my type and she has shitty hygiene habits sooooo no that’s a hard pass.

What would it take to make you stop all of this and leave Arianna alone?

  1. I tried on October 19th to leave her alone and she started talking shit about me so I had to address that
  2. I tried again on October 22nd to leave her alone and she had her friends come and attack me and lie about me
  3. When I tried to have her put an end to the BS that was coming from her and her friends, she apologized to me while lying to them telling them to continue harassing me.
  4. She started claiming that I was trying to get her son taken away then lied about THAT and said it was her ex-GF that was to blame for that.
  5. This site exists ONLY because she continues to lie about me. The only way I’d consider taking it down is if she publicly admits to all the BS but that would require her to be a decent human being and she’s incapable of doing that. The power is in her hands but good luck getting her to take responsibility for the drama she started and could end single-handedly.
  6. The BS in this context is:
    1. Own up to our relationship and the fact that you’ve lied about it to everyone
    2. Admit that you were using me the way you’d admitted it to your “friends” so everyone know’s just how shitty a person you are and how abusive you were in our “relationship”
    3. Admit to the lies you told about me trying to get people to hate you
    4. Admit to lying in your live streams about the people harassing you
    5. Admit to fucking Dylan and then lying about it
    6. Admit to sending your followers to harass me and any and all lies you’ve told them about me

If it weren’t for her BS and lies I wouldn’t need to defend myself. The more she lies the more loudly I’ll proclaim my innocence. She can’t win this, it’s just a matter of her being smart enough to know when she’s beaten. Did I mention that she’s a fucking idiot?

Change in Tone and Content

I have given Arianna ample opportunity to be a decent person and admit that all of this nonsense is her doing. She’s persisted in spreading vicious lies about me with no regard for the dangers in escalating this senseless conflict.

Everything I’ve done here on this site, so far, has been to respond to- and defend myself against- her unwarranted attacks. I’ve NEVER done ANYTHING wrong to her. She attacked me when I kicked her out of my life because she’s an empty, soulless, shitty person. She’s GOT to be the victim, she’s got to blame others for her failings. She wants to pretend to be a lesbian while using people and randomly falling on dick. I don’t care what she does in her personal life. The only reason I started this site is because she told such ridiculous and unconscionable lies about me that her followers started threatening me. Let me say that again: She lied about me, she knows that everything she’s said about me is a lie but she persists because she’s incapable of accepting that I don’t want anything to do with her in my life. She’s a vile and shitty person who’s tried to destroy my life because she’s empty inside and can’t manage to have a single healthy relationship. I’ve been with my wife for 17+ years. Ari’s already fucked up her son by cutting herself in front of him and yelling at him when he’s done nothing wrong. She hates people who can be functional because she has never known what it’s like to love and be loved. I put a year into building a life partnership with her and she lied to and cheated on me. I’m the only person in her life who gave freely of my time and energy and never asked for anything in return. She knows that I always put her needs ahead of my own and would have done everything in my power to make her happy. That wasn’t enough. She lied to people about our relationship, telling them that I was just some obsessed fan or a sugar daddy. She fucked the guy who she told me was “just a friend” even after I’d bared my soul to her to let her know how I felt about the way she behaved when they spent time together. Finally I had enough and she couldn’t accept that. Everything you’ve heard about me, from her, is a lie. I’ll start laying out my case now because she’s lied enough that I can now show how full of shit she is.

Up until now I’ve been staying away from personal attacks and information that could result in CPS paying her a visit or anything that could be embarrassing. That changes today. I’ve given her so many chances to be a decent human being that she deserves everything coming her way from the information posted here. She’s an unfit mother and a piece of shit so now the gloves come off and unlike her I have evidence for every assertion I make.

“Babe”, enjoy your side of the skirmish line. Shit just got real

Stop asking for the passwords

People keep asking me for the passwords to listen to the audio. Understand that this isn’t here for mass public consumption. I’m dancing on a very thin line, legally here. I’ve given access to certain people so they can verify what I’m saying. I don’t care about the rest of you. If I happen to know you and trust you then you probably already have the password(s).