This is a response I had to Arianna about more of her BS. At this point I hadn’t identified her manipulation techniques. She kept asserting that things were my fault when I’d done nothing wrong.
I thought quite a bit about your response and I wanted to make sure I gave due consideration to the things you mentioned.
Iāll try to keep this as short as possible.
First, Iād like to clarify the actual issue I was bringing up because It seems to have been conflated with āyou talk to person X more than meā and itās really two other separate issues.
We donāt speak that often and not speaking to you causes me anxiety. Iām a protector and a problem solver. I feel disconnected and useless when I donāt know whatās going on. There are times that I expect (based on your words/actions) or need to talk to you but canāt. Example A: When you said āIāll call you back laterā the other day. I had needed to talk to you about some trip planning. You didnāt call me back but you did go live. That leaves me with the feeling that going live is more important than keeping your word to call me back. Example B: When I was trying to place the order for your Good Guy Doll. I had asked you about the specifics of the order in your live stream and you said youād end your live to call me. I never heard from you. In both cases I was waiting and ended up feeling like a fool because instead of talking to me you were live streaming and getting drunk. Example C: I was trying to talk to you some time after I got out of the hospital and I couldnāt. When I finally got ahold of you it was like we couldnāt talk freely because you had company (Dylan was over). You asked me to join your live later which I did but it was frustrating trying to have an actual conversation with you while Dylan was there (physically) distracting you and people in your stream divided your attention. Example D: We spoke the morning before the wedding and I just wanted to catch up on some things. You told me you had to go and said youād call me back after the wedding and I never heard from you.
So those are the actual issues that I was trying to communicate. I never thought you talked to Dylan more than me, and even if you did, Iām not jealous like that. I hope you talk to people more than me because I donāt talk to you that often. The issues I have with Dylan are complex and nuanced. I should probably not have mentioned him because some of those issues deal with my insecurities and some deal with the stuff I mentioned above. Itās his connection to the above that has me resent him as a symbol of me not being able to talk to you when I need(ed) to. Additionally I resent him for other reasons.
That whole part of the conversation was one big misunderstanding. I get that your perception of that conversation shaped and affected you in ways that canāt be undone. At the same time, what I was actually saying and what you thought I was saying were two completely different things. I never cared about my image. The point I was trying to make is that people will do fucked up things based on incomplete or incorrect understandings of relationships and such. Example: the fuck-wit who tried to block me from leaving the party with you because he didnāt know I was your boyfriend. Imagine if you werenāt coherent enough to nod āyesā when asked if you knew me. Imagine if it had been a cop instead of just some fuck-wit at the party. I put my life in your hands every time we are out together because the assumption by many is that we donāt belong together so obviously you must be the victim and I the aggressor. Applied to the conversation we were having at the time: itās a matter of life and death if someone (say Dino) expects to be able to approach you and I intervene. Thereās no way to know how they will respond. If youāre intoxicated and canāt articulate then it becomes a matter of his word against mine because no one else knows that Iām your boyfriend. If punches are thrown and we both say āsheās with meā people are going to assume that Iām the one being untruthful and thatās dangerous. Thatās the point I was making. Itās not bout my image. Itās about how Iām seen.
After receiving my note about what I needed moving forward Arianna tried to do more gas lighting. For those that don’t know Arianna is a manipulative piece of shit. She tries to figure out the exact right things to say to people to make them trust her and then she systematically breaks them down. This is nothing new. It’s what abusive men do to their partners all the time and it’s well understood. Below you’ll see, first, her response which is long, rambling, and incoherent. Below that you’ll see my response to her.
When I didnāt get a phone call from you I canceled the flight. I didnāt read your ramble right away because I figured it would be more of the same BS with you rewriting history and attacking me for things I didnāt actually say or do. here’s an example:
” I just screamed at damien because of YOU”
No, you screamed at Damien because you have shitty coping mechanisms, a habit of straw man making and ad hominem attacks, misplaced anger, and difficulty communicating. That’s not an attack on you just an observation stated plainly. Take responsibility for your own shit
and another example:
Blue: I do not recall a single instance of you telling me that anything that *I* did was disrespectful to you. I do remember you attacking me baselessly for shit you thought I was saying when that’s not at all what I’d actually said but even then you never brought up an issue of respect just blindly and incorrectly rage filled drivel. Orange: I’m not DEMANDing anything. I’m telling you what I need if you want my participation. If you don’t want my participation you can always walk away. You could stand your ground and watch me walk away. It’s a choice. You can do what you want. Red: This is more of your history rewriting. We never said anything of the sort. What we had “CLEAR COMMUNICATION” about was:
That you were concerned that “advertising” the fact that you had a boyfriend would make you less able to pursue relationships with lesbians because you felt that many lesbians would judge you.
The conversation was very specifically about lesbians and we talked about you not changing your status on meetme after the breakup with Victoria
You later said that you’d never deny being in a relationship with me and that even though you don’t advertise the fact that you have a boyfriend you always tell people when they ask that “yes PuddyTat is my boyfriend”.Ā
Do you have any idea how many videosĀ people have sent me from your live streams where you outright and flatly deny being in a relationship or having a boyfriend or being with me? I’ve heard you call me a “dear friend” or a “boy….friend”.
We were in a non-monogamous relationship which you identify as “polygamist”,Ā which meant that we could both pursue relationships with others
Again, there’s a difference between pursuing relationships with others and denying the relationships you’re in. I mentioned this when we first talked after I sent you the text message about how you had declared me your boyfriend and that we should figure out what that meant for both of us.
let me be clear again: The issues with Dino and Dylan were never about whether you’d fucked them. It was about your marginalization of my role in your life.
I do a lot for you. I put up with a ton of shit from you. No one goes out of their way to be as courteous and considerate as I am for you only to be attacked, lied to, and abused the way you do me. All this and you expect me to sit by like an idiot while you deny that I’m your boyfriend? dafuq??
That you were not interested in doing anything with men in general (including me) but that if you were to do something you’d want to do it “with my boyfriend” and that you
You know that you should have told Dino about us (which you admitted in our last conversation) and you know that you should have told me about the conversations with Dino (which you also admitted)
You have been physically intimate with Dylan who’s only a friend but not with me who was your “boyfriend” I am not wiling to be in a relationship with that disparity. I’m just not. It violates what we had actually talked about and agreed to and its selfish bullshit for you to think that is ok.
Look, it’s apparent that you don’t have the ability to give me what I want in a relationship and that has nothing to do with sex or you being a lesbian. It has to do with your complete lack of integrity and accountability. I love you. I really do. I want you to be happy. I thought I could be apart of that happiness but it’s apparent that you’re too selfish and self-absorbed for me to deal with. I can’t talk to you without you jumping to conclusions and attacking me. I’m not important enough for you to talk to me when I’m telling you that NEED to hear your voice because I’m lost and scared after you publicly betrayed, denied, and ended our relationship. Every time I stand up for myself you attack me. I’m not interested in making life difficult for you. I want as little pain for you as possible in life because I actually fucking care about you. I honestly do not believe that you ever really cared for me. Maybe I’m mistaken but it looks like all you wanted was the benefits of having me think we were in a relationship while you go on and act like I’m basically a sugar daddy buying you shit left and right. That’s the most logical conclusion. I can’t say that it is a certainty but probability is very high. I want you to have closure on things because I know how it can eat at a person to have unresolved issues and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone the women I spent a year devoted to who shat on my heart, my self-respect, and my wife’s honor.
“You know I think? I think I drove u fucking crazy because you have clearly never had a strong independent woman who sets her own boundaries.” Do you have any idea how this statement impugns the integrity, honor, and character of my wife? You make these broad statements in anger and don’t understand that words ALWAYS mean something whether said in jest, in anger, in the fog or intoxication, always. I will not stand for anyone to disrespect my wife. For this, fuck you. An apology will not fix this. There is no fixing this we are done permanently.
I want you out of my life as quickly as possible at this point. I’m willing to give you closure but it had better be done quickly because fuck you.
Are you seriously that fucking delusional? I mean fuck at a certain point youāre too far divorced from reality for it to even be worth trying to communicate. “At this point you should know how disrespectful I felt u were when u went on snap to begin with and literally aired our whole relationship status that is PERSONAL information to me.”
No, you did that when you were live streaming with Dylan and said “This is my only boyfriend”. YOU gave everyone our relationship status at that moment. I only confirmed that I was not in a relationship with the person who’d disrespected me.
it wasn’t your PERSONAL information. I never put your name in it. In fact I went out of my way to avoid putting your name out there.
It’s my story to tell. I can talk about me and what happened to me. You don’t get to police my views just because you happen to be connected to part of the tale.
“it is not my fault that the way we both perceive disrespect is completely different from each other. And Iāve always been this way, I DIDNT change, you did”
Yes, we obviously have a different perception of disrespect and that’s fine. The problem is that you’re not honest with yourself. You think you didn’t change but every time we speak about our relationship you rewrite a bit of history to justify something fucked up you did.Ā
“That shit with Dylan that night, Iām sorry, but nothing happened and I did NOTHING WRONG. Even my sister says so.”
You, broke your word to me about not denying our relationship – I”d say that’s something wrong
You, were being physically intimate with him in the exact ways we had discussed being an issue for you with me “because I’m a lesbian” for which you attacked me – that’s wrong and a double standard
Beyond that you kissed him, he smacked your ass, you tongue jousted, you had your mouth all over him: his shoulder, his neck, his ear. I have video of it all – another breaking of your word
I don’t care what anyone says who only heard your distorted version. You yelled at me saying that you never did anything to insinuate that you two were together when you had called him your “only boyfriend”. I can’t trust anything you say to me let alone anything you say to anyone else. If your sister wants to weigh in she can hear my side of it and see the video I have.
“I did apologize for the affect it had on I despite me thinking it wouldnāt. Iām telling you now and I already told u how I felt disrespected and yet, u clearly donāt care as u want a PUBLIC apology when I have NEVER publicly done that IN MY LIFE and sorry, not about to disrespect myself just to make u feel better.”
You publicly insulted and marginalized me. I’m not willing to let that go unanswered. You can chose to justify it any way you want. The bottom line is that what you did was wrong, you even said as much when we spoke after the fact. You did it in a public and embarrassing way. The right and proper way to address it is a public apology. If you don’t have the integrity to do that the I chose not to have you in my life. It’s that simple.
“You want to bitch about ur mental state when I have a CHILD WITH SIBs COUNTING on me to be NOT HALLUCINATING and all u CAn think about is yourself and your mental state.”
No, I’m not bitching about my mental state. I’m letting you know the affect of your actions ON my mental state. This is a direct result of the shit you do by first betraying my trust and then refusing to have a rational conversation to address the violation of trust. This is all stuff that you are responsible for. I’m not saying that you’re to blame for the way I perceive things. What I’m saying is that YOUR actions created the situation and when I tried to talk to you about it you attacked me and dismissed me. “Ok I was wrong. If I am the cause of ur mental illnesses going wrong, then you are DEFINITELY the cause of mine and the fact that I almost killed myself IS YOUāRE fault”
No one mentioned mental illness with regard to me so please stop rewriting history and misrepresenting what I said (again)
No, your shitty behavior (which you admitted you knew was shitty and wrong) caused you to feel guilty. Your shitty coping skills caused you to internalize and alienate. None of that is my fault. Learn to take responsibility for your own shit
“ur telling me all ur anxiety and shit is my fault? Well then, ever since that conversation at vidcon, I fuckin g tried to kill myself. It was because of u and how YOU MADE ME FEEL.”
No, I’m actually not saying that. What I said was that you created a situation and I have a complex related to that situation. When I tried to talk to you about it you were dismissive and when I told you that I had anxiety about it you didn’t seem to care based on your behavior. So 1) stop misrepresenting what I said and 2) stop attacking me baselessly Let’s revisit the order of events:Ā
you betray my trust with Dino
You start hanging out with Dylan
I tell you that I have some specific concerns and issues with your conduct with Dylan given recent events including the issues with Dino
You don’t listen and instead assume that I’m worry about you two fucking and say shit llike “we’re just friends” or “I talk to you way more than anyone else including Dylan” which does nothing to address my actual issues
I let you know that it’s difficult for me to watch you hangout with Dylan because it plays on my insecurities related to the betrayal with Dino. I tell you that I have a complex and that Dylan is the trigger
You go live with Dylan proceed to kiss him, bite him, lick him, hang all over him in a way that lovers do, and declare that he’s your “only boyfriend”
I ask you (via text) whether there is anything going on between you two
You yell at me and insult me saying that you thought I’d know you better and that you two are only friends and that you never did anything to insinuate that you two were ever together
I show you a short clip of you saying he was your only boyfriend
You attack me again claiming that didn’t show when you mentioned me (as if that was somehow relevant to the issue at hand– By the way that’s called “moving the goal post” on the list of logical fallacies)
From my perspective, and admittedly it is MY perspective: everything above is a result of your actions and assumptions. You do something fucked up, I try to communicate with you, you attack me. that creates an environment of anxiety.Ā On the other hand. You assert that I’m responsible for the shit that you do as if I control both my actions and yours. When you do something fucked up I don’t blame you for my response. I take responsibility for my own actions. You want to blame your actions on me because you don’t know better ways to deal with shit. That’s not my fault… it’s yours for being an adult and not learning how to be a decent fucking person.
“And yet all you can talk about it is your insecurity. Wow. How fuckin selfish of u” Again another baseless attack. I think it’s pretty evident that this is a pathetic attempt to deflect. I won’t spend further time on it
“How dare u hold yourself in such high esteem. Iām glad u have that confidence. But serious, who the hell do you think u are talking down at me like that because we have different opinions on disrespect.” I’m the wounded party. I’m the person who was told publicly that they didn’t matter because Dylan was your only boyfriend. I’m the person embarrassed that the woman who I’ve been loyal to and defended and stood by just discarded me so cavalierly. Most importantly I’m an person who understands what he will and will not tolerate in a relationship. I wasn’t “talking down to you”. I was standing up for myself. YOU ended our relationship with your words and actions. I was responding with it takes for me to consider being in a new relationship. If you’re too blinded by selfishness to see that and understand that then I don’t know what to tell you.
“U have done NOTHING but disrespect me, publicly saying things about our relationship on snap without even asking me about it??? ID NEVER DO THAT TO YOU BECAUSE ITS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL.” Hypocrisy much? So at first you say “I did nothing wrong even my sister says so” Then you’re like “it’s disrespectful to talk about my relationship status” when that’s what you did and you did it first and when you did it you denied the relationship you were in at the time… how TF do you even????
“Also. Not to mention the fact that ur DEMANDING physical contact from someone who was in a relationship with a serial rapist and u used to respect my intimacy issues. And this right here is a BIG REASON I donāt feel comfortable with u anymore. DEMANDING INTIMACY?! Who the fuck do u think u are… seriously.” Wow could you possibly be more delusional?
I’m not demanding anything. You make it sound as if we’re in a locked room and I just told you to get naked and wrap your body around mine. What I actually said was “If we’re going to be together…” No one is making you do anything or demanding that you do anything. All I’m doing is stating what I will and won’t accept if you want a relationship with me. That’s perfectly valid and fuck you for distorting that in such a fucked up and vile manner
The fact that you were in a relationship with a serial rapist has nothing to do with me. Yes I’m sympathetic to it but stop waving your victim flag as if I’m somehow further victimizing you because
I’m talking specifically about non-sexual physical intimacy which is clear from the context of what I wrote. The sort that you seem perfectly fine sharing with Dylan and Jelly but not with your “boyfriend”
You’re not the only victim of rape here. Fuck you for insinuating that I’d be so insensitive
It’s easy to distort what someone says and argue against that distortion (that’s The Straw Man on that list of logical fallacies). If you have an issue what what I actually said I’m open to hearing it. Since you mentioned “feel[ing] comfrotable…anymore” let me state that I don’t trust you anymore. Your delusional self has equated me (in words) with theĀ conduct of a rapist. As a black male I do not trust you (a skinny white women) with my safety.
“On top of the fact that u practically broke up with me on fucking Snapchat to ALL YOURE friends who youāre image is so very clearly more important to you than my feelings and MY SANITY. Which. No offense you REALLY CLEARLY do not care about.” No, you broke up with me when you announced to the world that Dylan was your “only boyfriend”. And yes, I care about your sanity but no matter what I do or say you’ll distort it to be the victim.Ā
“Telling me I lied when the truth is, I told you EVERYTHING about Dino, just late. It was fucked up but I lied through omission, not deception and then I told u EVERYTHING. Which isnāt lying anymore and we should have been past this a long time ago but u just kept stringing it o it for no reason. Weāve talked about it enough for it to be over and done with and we clearly still disagree which is BOTH OUR FAULTS, and now u wanna push that shit onto Dylan?” More bullshit.
The issue with Dino wasn’t ONLY that you told me late but if you haven’t understood that by now there’s no fucking hope
You don’t know how to fucking listen. Yes we talked about Dino and we talked about the fact that the Dino issue created trust issues. You completely disregard the issues of trust. We should have been able to rebuild trust but you just dismissed it. That is why Dylan is an issue.
Every time I tried talking to you you attacked me and dismissed my concerns without actually listening and understanding what I was saying
We could have been past this but you weren’t capable of showing me the respect and consideration that I deserved
“Btw Iād never disrespect you (well what I find disrespectful) and break up with u and have to hear it over Snapchat.” Right you’d do it over MeetMe instead
“And honestly. U seriously donāt give a fuck about Damien.”Arianna, fuck you for this statement. I will never forgive you for making that ridiculous assertion.Ā
“Oh wait. One last thing. I NEVER used ANY of your recourses on anybody else. EVER. Except Damien. And you have damien things personally. OK NOW IM DONE”
I wasn’t claiming that you had. I was (for the last fucking time) simply telling you what I would need if we were going to consider having a relationship again.
The reason it came up on the list is that you seemed perfectly fine to use my resources for the women you were pursuing (Jelly, Ms. Janz, TayTay, Anna, etc)
You did ask me to buy Liquor for Dylan like an insensitive selfish asshole RIGHT after I tried to talk to you about my insecurities and complex
You did take the edibles I’d bought to a party to “share” them with other people. You’re so fucking selfish that you don’t even realize the selfish shit you do
āAnd it sucks, but u lashed out at me too in that letter. I felt attacked. I felt like u were trying to control me. I felt like you are trying to change me and blaming me for the way I am. Ur right. I am a child. I never claimed not to be. But u always knew that didnāt you?ā No, I didnāt lash out at you. I spoke plainly and matter of factly. You perceive that Iām lashing out every time I stand up for myself. I canāt help your fucked up percdeptions.
āWhether u change or not is not my problem, u either continue to love who you fell in love with or u break up. And u did break up with me on Snapchat. U said āas for my relationship with her, we are not together because of the disrespect, and I refuse to be with someone who is so disrespectful.ā And we have different opinions on what is respectful in an open relationship and what is notā Ok so let me get this straight. You go on your live and tell the world that Dylan is your only boyfriend and thatās not breaking up with me but I go on Snapchat and tell the 50 or 60 people connected to me that Iām not in a relationship with the woman who just told the world that sheās Dylan is her only boyfriend and somehow Iām the asshole whoās telling people about your personal business?
I asked you about it and you refused to talk to me (at the time)
When I couldnāt in touch with you and you werenāt responding to me I finally made a statement that only confirmed what you had already declared
If Dylan is your only boyfriend the obviously I am not
I donāt understand how you think you can turn this around to be me breaking up with you on snap. You did that when you said Dylan was your only BF
This is a copy of the letter I had sent to Arianna AFTER we broke up. She’d been talking as if she wanted to get back together and I was not inclined to put up with more of her bullshit. If we were going to try it I needed to have her understand that I wasn’t going to put up with any more bullshit.
I spent a great deal of time distilling down what the issues are for me and what I need moving forward. This is an attempt to capture whatās in my head. Side notes: Reading:Ā Ā Ā
Love Languages by Gary ChapmanĀ Ā
Emotional Blackmail by Susan ForwardĀ Ā I recommend reading these to get an idea of some of the topics Iāll bring up. They are short reads and generally beneficial for understanding how to think about relationships. Ā Ā Ā Ā Read up on āTie signsā as it relates to romantic relationships.Ā Other people and what they think: There is a difference between caring what other people think and having basic self respect and dignity. I am sick of being disrespected. Iām sick of you being an accessory to said disrespect. Iām stick of you contributing to and perpetuating the disrespect.
Dino:Ā
I trusted you to honor our relationship and that trust was violated in two ways
you werenāt forthcoming about our relationship with him
you werenāt forthcoming about the conversations you had with him
This had the affect of making me feel like a fool because Iād supported Dino as your āfriendā and he was trying to fuck you. I canāt tell you how fucked up that makes me feel. Dylan:Ā Ā Ā Ā Part of the problem is the disconnect on what the actual issue is with Dylan. I never had an issue with how much you speak to him. I do not care whether you talk to or see him more than you talk to or see me. You constantly saying āweāre just friendsā is the exact WRONG way to address my concerns. 1) I wasnāt worried about that so you mentioning it makes it one more thing that I feel the need to question 2) My issues are:
I do not believe that he isnāt after more than friendship. You can say whatever you want but I know how I feel about it and thereās no changing that
your conduct and physical contact with him is offensive and off putting
you shouldnāt be drinking and he encourages you to drink
the innuendo, ass slapping, biting, licking, etc is disrespectful
He triggers my anxiety about Dino ā To clarify the issue with Dino was never about whether you two were physical. Itās about you marginalizing me and others not understanding and respecting the role I play in your life.
The fact that you called him your āonly boyfriendā on your live stream is disrespectful and plays even more on my insecurities
The fact that he doesnāt clarify that you two are just friends and that youāre in a relationship is disrespectful
You said he was your best friend as well. Iāve known you for a year and change. Ā I, as far as I know, am actually your best friend. I mean that quantitatively and qualitatively. I am a better friend to you than anyone else I know of in your life yet you call that fucker your best friend. The fucker who almost broke your Tommy doll and is generally obnoxious….ok
The right answer on Dylan would have looked like āyouāre right what we did was disrespectful and I care about you enough to tell him whatās wrong and ask for an apology. If he wonāt apologize, Iāll do what needs to be done to make sure you understand that I love and respect you.ā instead I got āyeah I know he spat in your face but he really likes my dad so youāll just have to deal with him continuing to spit in your face because….reasonsā. Itās not my fault that you abided disrespectful behavior and dishonored our relationship. YOU DID THAT. Your reluctance to confront it and take the appropriate action tells me that you probably donāt respect me enough to have an open and honest relationship. if you care more about your relationship with Dylan than doing the right thing for me, then you should focus on that and Iāll focus on getting over you. Iām a different person now than when we started dating a year ago. Iām not willing to take the same shit now that I was willing to take then. Part of it is me just being in a different place given my experiences. Part of it is being fed up with bullshit. If weāre going to be friends:
I need a public apology for the disrespectful conduct, comments, and lack of transparency about us being in a relationship.
You need to make sure that I donāt cross paths with Dylan. There is zero BS in that statement
You need to understand that Iām broken and I cannot watch your live streams without it adversely affecting my psyche.
If weāre going to be ātogetherā, all of the above plus:
Iām not interested in ādatingā only in āpartneringā for life. That means a whole different approach to commitment and responsibility in the relationship ā There is a difference between polygamy and not caring. Iām fully in support of an open relationship but open means open communication as much as it means open to exploring relationship with other people.
Iām not taking a back seat on physical intimacy anymore. If you canāt be comfortable being physical (not sexual) with me then you donāt deserve my time and attention
Iām not going to be a dirty little secret. If you canāt be proud and upfront about the fact that youāre in a relationship with me then Iām not willing to be in the relationship.
If Iām not primary partner, then Iām not investing my time/money into the future of the relationship unit (couple, threeple, pod, whatever)
You fully own everything you do whether drunk or sober
No more disrespect; that includes not abiding others being disrespectful
you donāt ask me for alcohol
you never use my resources on/for another person ā exceptions for Ms. Janz and Healing Power everyone else can go fuck themselves until I feel comfortable about us and where we are.
I understand that you want to find a lesbian wife and I want you to find someone that makes you happy. I get that you feel that youāll be judged and never get an opportunity with the women you MIGHT be able to be happy with if they know upfront that you have a BF. Iām not willing to deal with the BS anymore. If chasing a potential relationship is more important than honoring your existing relationship, Iāll wish you luck and remove myself from the situation. I spent quite a bit of time on this one, Iām not willing to be marginalized and disrespected anymore. I get the disparity in our situations with me having a wife and you wanting a wife. Iām onboard with with non-monagomy, and getting out of the way of your pursuit of relationships as long as you keep me informed. Why the change? I thought I could trust you. itās been shown that I canāt trust you to show me the respect that I deserve. I canāt trust you to stand up for me and our relationship the way you should. Iām fine being fast and loose with rules as long as I can trust my partner. I donāt care about the outside world when I know whatās going on internally with us. After VidCon I realized that I donāt know whatās going on. I donāt need sex as long as I have physical affection. If I canāt feel that everything is ok, why would I be in the relationship?
Some fucked up disparities and disrespectful shit You have been talking about coming out to see me since March. you never care enough to make it happen even though I kept bringing it up. Suddenly youāre spending money to jump on a plane to Italy to seem someone youāve never met instead of coming to see me. I get to see you if Iām willing to pay for it. She getās to see you because you WANT to see her. Why are you willing to spend your money to see
Iāve seen you mention your trip to Italy in almost every live Iāve been in since we talked about your passport. Iāve not seen/heard you mention coming to Chicago. Iām sure you have but itās a stark contract for me. Maribel said/did things that were disrespectful to our relationship. I immediately stopped talking to her. You built the issue of distrust (with Dino). You created the fucked up dynamic with Dylan. I just have to deal with it. How would you feel if you were in a relationship with a women who said āI canāt tell people that weāre dating because youāre Jewish and I want to find a Muslim to marry. Muslims would judge me for dating a Jewish chick so let me explain it to them when I get a chance and you just pretend that weāre friends until…ā ? Itās not a question of how willing you are to accommodate your partner. Itās a question of how much you respect yourself and whether youāre willing to put your self respect aside. I was when I felt that I could trust you. Iām not willing to anymore, even if we rebuild trust. Iām just not. When I mentioned the issue of physical affection you:
Attacked me saying that I didnāt understand that youāre a lesbian
asserted that your lack of comfort with physical affection with me was because youāre a lesbian and I have ābig man energyā
Told me that your comfort with Jelly was because you two had history and you and I didnāt
Your behavior with Dylan puts the lie to all of that. I donāt care that youāre affectionate with Dylan. I care that you have a limit with me that doesnāt exist for other people. The fact that you put that you put that disparity on display is offensive. The fact that it exists is disrespectful.
Everything below this line is my notes (for myself) about our upcoming talk. You can feel free to read them if you wish. Iām putting them here for reference and to be open and transparent. Iām not interested in winning a fight, if I were Iād hide my thoughts from you. What Iām interested in is getting past the BS and having and honest productive conversation
Points of curiosity
When did you send the, now infamous, TXT message to TheAnthony (before or after we started dating) ?
Did anything ever happen with the two of you?
Did you ever have sexual contact with a male during the time we were together or after we broke up?
You constantly say things to reassure me that youāre not doing anything with other men. At the same time youāve done things when youāre drunk that you donāt remember. Itās entirely plausible that you did SOMEthing with another guy while you were drunk. Maybe sex, maybe not. I could see a scenario where something happened (say with Dylan) and you felt that you had to hide it from me because you still think I care about who you have sex with when I do not. The Dino thing was never about sex. The Dylan thing isnāt about sex. Itās about the double standard you have for āaccessā to you. I donāt get the same access to you as Dino did. I donāt get the same access to you that Dylan has. I mentioned this after VidCon and you trivialized it talking about how you talk to me more than other people. That missed the entire point.
Iād like to know what (exactly) is wrong with what I wrote to you at VidCon. You attacked and dismissed my concerns and when I claimed that there was a misunderstanding you said you understood perfectly what I was saying and proceeded to mischaracterize what I was saying.
When did this girl youāre going to see in Italy know about me and what did you tell her about our relationship?
After the posts I made on SnapChat, a few people (that you know…like either in real life or frequently talk to or battle or met at a party) hit me up to say basically the same thing: When they saw the way you act with Dylan, it looks like you two love each other. When they saw us together it looked like I worked for you. Thatās based on YOUR behavior. The way you are physically with each of us. The point is that you donāt act like Iām a loved one (with physical affection) and I was your fucking boyfriend. You act like you love Dylan and heās ājust a friendā. That is fucked…period. Put another way, you treat me like a serf or a servant when Iām supposed to be your boyfriend (your life partner). You treat other people (Jelly, C***, Dylan, etc) the way other people would expect you to behave with a lover or a loved one. I get your disdain for unsolicited input from others but this isnāt about them jumping to conclusions. This is about a pattern of YOUR behavior that signals to others how you feel about me relative to the people who donāt care for you as much as I do and donāt do as much for you as I have. Put one more way, you treat me like shit and take me for granted. You are willing to take my money, gifts, etc but canāt be upfront about us being in a relationship, you donāt show me physical affection but youāll show it to everyone else (women, and males who arenāt me). Youāll talk publicly about what I do for you (as if Iām a fan/sycophant) but have never about what I mean to you. Think about that… you have never said publicly what i mean to you.Ā If we look at tie-signs, you have done nothing to tie us together in the public eye. In fact you do much to distance yourself from me publicly and engage in public displays of affection with everyone on the fucking planet BUT me. The most logical conclusion based on the evidence is that you wanted to have me around to make use of my resources, my ability to provide for you and Damien. In fact some of the people who reached out to me commented that they thought I was your sugar daddy because they rarely saw/heard you mention me in any way that indicated I was your significant other. They heard from me or from others that we were in a relationship and thatās the only indication they had that there was anything there. How fucking pathetic is that shit? You call me babe but you also call like 50 other people babe. You say you love me but you say the same to everyone else. You call me āboo-boosā but you call everyone else the same. You have very adeptly avoided making any public consistent declaration of my importance in your life. 4k
According to Gary Chapman there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time. Think about everything Iāve done for you. Please tell me which of the above I havenāt done for you in abundance. Now think about what you have done for me:
Words of affirmation ā nope. You say shit like āweāre only friendsā or āI talk to you more than anyone elseā but you never affirm my importance, significance, or position in your life
physical touch ā Nope
Acts of service ā Nope
Quality time ā Nope. Yes you spend time with me while Iām there. Much of the time youāre drunk, all of the time youāre high. You use me like a baby sitter but you never set aside time for us to connect and spend quality time together. Youāll attend events but that seems to be more about being seen and me being able to tag along (again like a servant or a sycophant)
Gifts ā Nope. Yes, youāve bought me gifts and I love them. The problem is that thereās a difference between just giving a gift and giving a gift that signals significance beyond the object based on your understanding of your partner. As an example your Good Guy Doll. I know how much you wanted that and that you have an emotional attachment to it. Your Batman necklace, I got that for you because I saw it and thought you needed to have it based on my understanding of you and your interests. The batteries, first aid kit, the camera, the tripods, etc all gifts based on my understanding of your needs or interests. You have given me a cartridge, a ring, and a watch. I appreciate them all. None of them are based on YOUR understanding of whatās important or significant to me. You could argue that our shared interest in anime could be tied to the watch.
Now think about all of the above relative to other people in your life
Arianna says you hacked her or claimed to hack her
Arianna is a fucking idiot. She makes spurious claims all the time. She’s the kind of person who thinks you’ve said things that you never said. This is part of the reason I refuse to speak to her unless it’s recorded or witnessed by others. She lies so much that you can’t trust ANYTHING she says.
To answer the assertion. I’ve never hacked her or even claimed to have hacked her. Again: she’s a fucking idiot.
Everything I’ve said to her since November of 2019 has been recorded or sent via text. So if she has evidence of me claiming to have hacked her, I invite her to produce it. She can’t but she always makes wild ass claims and never backs them up.
How did you get audio of her an Dylan having sex?
Simple, I spoiled her and her son. I bought two Amazon Fire tablets for him to use so that she could keep her iPad to herself. At the time I didn’t realize that she’s a shitty mother who uses screens to babysit her son because she’s too self absorbed to parent properly. Anyway, I’m a developer. My amazon account is setup to “test” audio samples used for Alexa triggers (called “skills”). When they were having sex, they kept hitting one of the tablets (or her phone maybe) making Alexa get triggered. It recorded their “commands” and it happened to be sex sounds.
I only found out about it when I went in to change my passwords on my amazon account because I had given her access and realized that I didn’t trust her with the information in my account. I logged in to change passwords and review my settings when I discovered some recordings that came from a device that I don’t have at home. That’s when I put two and two together.
She claims that it was a hack because 1) she’s a fucking idiot and 2) it’s dramatic. Calling her a birdbrain is offensive to all birds save maybe the dodo. Not sure there.
Why would she lie about fucking Dylan?
She hangs on to the idea that people take her seriously as a lesbian. To her, the whole “I’m a lesbian” thing is part of her brand. it’s a fabrication, a lie, but she holds on to it despite trying to fuck at least three different guys while she and I were together: 1) Anthony 2) Dino 3) Dylan
She’s ashamed to be herself. That’s sad but what do you expect from a woman so shitty that she yells at her 5 y/o autistic son for no reason?
What if she was so drunk that she didn’t remember having sex?
If she were that drunk then Dylan may be guilty of rape. I’m not sure of the exact wording of california penal code as it relates to sexual assault buuuuuut I’m pretty sure that being incapacitated means no consent can be given. The question would be was Dylan similarly incapacitated and why would she lie about it?
Do you know any woman who’s had surprise sex and not known about it immediately? She claims to have a condition called Interstitial Cystitis which makes sex painful. There’s no way she was penetrated and didn’t know immediately when she woke up that she’d been violated.
Those of you who have heard the audio (of her having sex) know that she was wide awake and actively participating in it. The grunts alone tell a tale
Those of you who have heard the audio of her bragging about it know that she was very cavalier in her admission and when the other person asked “What about PuddyTat?” she said “… we’re polygamists…” as if it’s ok to lie about who you fuck just because you’re in an open relationship.
Why don’t you make the recordings public?
Laws, in particular, anti-harassment and revenge porn laws in the state of California. If Arianna is so confident in her assertion lie about not fucking Dylan she can send me a release authorizing me to make any ‘adult content’ I have of her available to the public. The same would have to come from Dylan. If they didn’t have sex they should have no problem sending me releases so that I can make them available to everyone and then you can listen and decide for yourself.
The other recording (her bragging) is a different beast. The person who made it doesn’t want to be bothered with Ari and her BS. Ari has lost a number of friends because of her bullshit and this person, in particular, has had enough and doesn’t want to be identified so I’m protecting their identity.
Are you trying to destroy Arianna’s life?
Nope. Despite the fact that she’s a petty shitty person, I just want her out of my life. Unfortunately she’s too dumb to know when to stop. I told her before that I’ll defend myself publicly. If she get’s hurt in the process, oh well. All of this is her doing, not mine.
She claims you’re just obsessed with her because she wouldn’t fuck you.
She tried to fuck me once when she was drunk and I declined. She got violent and if I’d known then what I know now, I would have had her arrested but then again hindsight is 20/20.
uhhhhhh no. She’s not my type. I’ve never been into skinny blonde chicks. I like shapely women and she’s built like a popsicle stick but flatter. I was willing to explore sexuality with her because I loved her when I thought our relationship was real. I like to give sexual pleasure to women and I happen to be fairly practiced at it. For my “partner” I was willing to explore that but don’t get it twisted, she brought up wanting to “be with [me]” like that wayyyy more than I did. Now, I’m sure she did it just because she probably figured it was a good way to keep me from noticing how shitty a person she really is because she wanted to continue to use me. The point is that I was never into her sexually. I know other people think she’s attractive and that’s fine for them. She’s not my type and she has shitty hygiene habits sooooo no that’s a hard pass.
What would it take to make you stop all of this and leave Arianna alone?
I tried on October 19th to leave her alone and she started talking shit about me so I had to address that
I tried again on October 22nd to leave her alone and she had her friends come and attack me and lie about me
When I tried to have her put an end to the BS that was coming from her and her friends, she apologized to me while lying to them telling them to continue harassing me.
She started claiming that I was trying to get her son taken away then lied about THAT and said it was her ex-GF that was to blame for that.
This site exists ONLY because she continues to lie about me. The only way I’d consider taking it down is if she publicly admits to all the BS but that would require her to be a decent human being and she’s incapable of doing that. The power is in her hands but good luck getting her to take responsibility for the drama she started and could end single-handedly.
The BS in this context is:
Own up to our relationship and the fact that you’ve lied about it to everyone
Admit that you were using me the way you’d admitted it to your “friends” so everyone know’s just how shitty a person you are and how abusive you were in our “relationship”
Admit to the lies you told about me trying to get people to hate you
Admit to lying in your live streams about the people harassing you
Admit to fucking Dylan and then lying about it
Admit to sending your followers to harass me and any and all lies you’ve told them about me
If it weren’t for her BS and lies I wouldn’t need to defend myself. The more she lies the more loudly I’ll proclaim my innocence. She can’t win this, it’s just a matter of her being smart enough to know when she’s beaten. Did I mention that she’s a fucking idiot?
I have given Arianna ample opportunity to be a decent person and admit that all of this nonsense is her doing. She’s persisted in spreading vicious lies about me with no regard for the dangers in escalating this senseless conflict.
Everything I’ve done here on this site, so far, has been to respond to- and defend myself against- her unwarranted attacks. I’ve NEVER done ANYTHING wrong to her. She attacked me when I kicked her out of my life because she’s an empty, soulless, shitty person. She’s GOT to be the victim, she’s got to blame others for her failings. She wants to pretend to be a lesbian while using people and randomly falling on dick. I don’t care what she does in her personal life. The only reason I started this site is because she told such ridiculous and unconscionable lies about me that her followers started threatening me. Let me say that again: She lied about me, she knows that everything she’s said about me is a lie but she persists because she’s incapable of accepting that I don’t want anything to do with her in my life. She’s a vile and shitty person who’s tried to destroy my life because she’s empty inside and can’t manage to have a single healthy relationship. I’ve been with my wife for 17+ years. Ari’s already fucked up her son by cutting herself in front of him and yelling at him when he’s done nothing wrong. She hates people who can be functional because she has never known what it’s like to love and be loved. I put a year into building a life partnership with her and she lied to and cheated on me. I’m the only person in her life who gave freely of my time and energy and never asked for anything in return. She knows that I always put her needs ahead of my own and would have done everything in my power to make her happy. That wasn’t enough. She lied to people about our relationship, telling them that I was just some obsessed fan or a sugar daddy. She fucked the guy who she told me was “just a friend” even after I’d bared my soul to her to let her know how I felt about the way she behaved when they spent time together. Finally I had enough and she couldn’t accept that. Everything you’ve heard about me, from her, is a lie. I’ll start laying out my case now because she’s lied enough that I can now show how full of shit she is.
Up until now I’ve been staying away from personal attacks and information that could result in CPS paying her a visit or anything that could be embarrassing. That changes today. I’ve given her so many chances to be a decent human being that she deserves everything coming her way from the information posted here. She’s an unfit mother and a piece of shit so now the gloves come off and unlike her I have evidence for every assertion I make.
“Babe”, enjoy your side of the skirmish line. Shit just got real
People keep asking me for the passwords to listen to the audio. Understand that this isn’t here for mass public consumption. I’m dancing on a very thin line, legally here. I’ve given access to certain people so they can verify what I’m saying. I don’t care about the rest of you. If I happen to know you and trust you then you probably already have the password(s).
Arianna tried to befriend me after she and Anna broke up. She’s always got to have a villain and she thought that if I would buy into her bullshit that she and I could be friends again and make Anna the villain. Unfortunately, I’m sick of Ari and her BS. She’s sub-human and not a person I want my life. She claims I’m obsessed with her but I’ve been trying to get rid of that piece of shit since October. The only reason I’m having anything at all to do with her is because SHE is obsessed with me. She keeps talking about me for no fucking reason other than her own obsession and delusions. If she weren’t such a shitty human I’d have been done with all of this ages ago but she is the shittiest of humans so here we are. This is the exchange we had when I tried to talk to her to clear up the BS. All I asked was that she be honest and she even lied about her lies. That’s how fucked up she is.
So Let’s see what Dylan USMC has to say about all of this. I reach out to Dylan to talk man to man. It’s easier to have a man to man conversation when you’re dealing with an actual MAN who understands things like integrity, duty, honor, etc. Look at the BS mealy mouthed shit he says. He never actually answers a question. A simple “no we never fucked” would have sufficed but instead he dances around the questions never saying “yes we fucked; she lied to me” instead he bitches out. All the crayon eaters I’ve trained with are stand up guys. Why someone, like him would protect a POS like Arianna who obviously lies and causes unnecessary drama, is beyond me.
I would have respected him if he’d said “It’s not my place to comment on what a woman does sexually whether it’s with me or not”. That’s an honorable position. Instead he deflects by saying he doesn’t have anything going on (currently). When I point out that there are questions unanswered, he bitches out and blocks me. Semper Fly trench wench.
Arianna is a manipulative and abusive person. She’s lied to and about me so much that people started harassing me. When she started making claims that I was trying to get her son taken away I started getting death threats. I’d asked her to stop the lies and correct the record but she refused. I created this site to tell my side, now she’s going around telling people that I’m obsessed with her in an attempt to discredit me.
If you’re here because she told you to “check out this guy who’s so obsessed with me”, go ahead. See for yourself that she’s a lying, manipulative, mentally disturbed POS and everything she’s told you about me is probably a lie.
VIDEO TEMPORARILY REMOVED
This isn’t the only person to come forward and tell me that Arianna was using me. Someone even gave me audio of her talking about how she’s only with me to get me to help her out financially.
Here we have drunk and delusional Arianna making ridiculous claims again about “someone” being obsessed with her.
She makes several claims about “someone who’s severely obsessed with [her]” but doesn’t say who that someone is. Let’s go ahead and presume, for a minute, that she might be talking about me and referring to this website (www.ariannafolsom.com). Let’s see how her claims’s checkout.
Her assertions
@0:55 “…messages me every fucking day”
I do not message her. In fact I have her blocked on every service we used to use to communicate except for snapchat. The only reason I haven’t blocked her on there is because I occasionally go back over our messages for content in posts
Either she’s completely cracked (psychologically) or she’s just playing to the crowd. I don’t know which.
If she really thinks I’m messaging her, she should be able to produce the messages and show them. I invite her to do so
@1:12 “…took over my website…for my business”
I didn’t take over any website. I did register a domain name. She’s so vapid that she doesn’t understand the difference but here I’ll explain. The domain name (ariannafolsom.com) was available for purchase from the registrar that handles the ‘.com’ top level domain (TLD). She could have registered the domain (I even recommended that she do so when we were together) but she was too drunk and high to ever do anything productive. There was nothing to “take over”, she’s just inept.
@1:22 “…could get you into serious legal trouble”
Uhmmm no. No, it can’t. Maybe civil trouble if someone can prove malice or defamation but baring those…. no
If Arianna thinks that I can get into serious legal trouble for this site, I cordially invite her to take her best shot at making that a reality. She has my address so she can easily have me served with papers.
@1:53 “…he made one for my manic models website, which is my company”
Nope. Just nope. I’ve never done anything with manic models and creating websites.
@2:15 “…he pretended to be you on…hackers website”
I don’t think she knows what she’s talking about but even so, nope. I don’t have time to be impersonating anyone. I’ve never done that but it helps her “I’m a victim” narrative so…
Arianna would love to have everyone think that I’m obsessed wither because she can’t address the fact that she’s a shitty person who treats people like shit. Her chosen course of action, instead of trying to be a decent human being, is to lob unsubstantiated personal attacks. Her we examine her claim that I’m obsessed with her.
I’m sick of people sending me screenshots and recordings of their attempts to harass Arianna or people connected to her. Please stop. I’m done with her and don’t want anyone harassing anyone on my behalf. I’ve spent the last month trying to forget her. Why on earth would I want anyone to do anything that might make me have to speak to her or anyone connected to her ever again?
I don’t hate her. I just don’t care about her. Yes what she did was fucked up but she’s mentally a child so what would one expect?
This site is here simply because she put my life in danger and I needed to tell my side of the story. It’s not about harassing, embarrassing her, or getting back at her or anything else. It’s JUST about me telling the truth about her and the BS she put me through. That’s for me. I needed the truth to be out there, for me. Maybe some will see it, maybe it’ll go unnoticed. I don’t actually care. There are a few key people that I’ve asked to look at specific things but other than that it’s not a priority for me.
If you have an issue with her, personally, take it up with her. Use your words and have a conversation. If you thought you were supporting me by doing that shit, stop it and instead try to understand her and maybe be a positive influence in her life. I can’t because I’ve been burned but you don’t have the history with her that I do. Life is too short to be vindictive and petty.
If life is too short to be petty why use her name?
The domain was available
I told Arianna in all the back and forth that if I needed to defend myself I’d do so on a grand scale. This domain is the tip of that iceberg.
Sure there’s a bit of “fuck you” in it. Maybe that’s too petty and small minded but hell. I lived through the BS I talk about here. You haven’t. If you go and attack/harass her you’re doing exactly the same shit that Anna did to me. It’s not right no matter which side it comes from.
How long will you keep the site up?
I’m not sure. I didn’t make the site with an expiration date in mind. I started getting death threats and decided on several courses of action. One of them was to get the site ready in case I wasn’t able to discuss things rationally with the people around Ari who can think logically. Once it became clear that wouldn’t work I launched the site and started telling my side of the story.
I have no plans about anything other than getting the truth out there.
I’m not negotiating with anyone about acquiring it or taking things down.
I’m not trying to monetize any of the content. I’m not trying to drive traffic here.
I’m not willing to discuss anything I post here with anyone connected to Ari except for the heads up I sent to her mother letting her know that things had progressed to the point where I had to tell my side of things.
I’d been getting daily death threats for almost 2 weeks straight across 4 different platforms. After my post on Sunday I haven’t gotten a single one. Maybe that’ll change, I don’t know. If I feel like I have no further need to let my side be known, I may shut it down.
Are you saying you’re not obsessed with getting back at her?
No, I’m not obsessed with her. I’m not obsessed with getting back at her.
I’m obsessed with the truth. That’s about it.
Do I think that she is a shitty person? Yes, but being shitty to shitty people is still you being shitty.
Put another way: Everything about my experience with her tells me that she’s a piece of shit. Do you go around kicking every piece of shit you see on the sidewalk or in people’s yards? I hope not. Kicking pieces of shit get’s shit on your shoes. You do that enough and you start to look/smell like a piece of shit. I’d rather avoid the shit all together. Sometimes we’re forced to deal with shit but there’s no need to prolong your exposure.
One final thought
Suicide is a real thing. Some people have an obsession with being dead. Some have a fleeting crisis that suddenly triggers the desire to be dead. If you can prevent someone from acting in that momentary crisis, statistically speaking, they are very unlikely to ever attempt serious self harm in the future.
Do you want to be responsible for creating that temporary crisis for someone? A cruel word from someone that you don’t know; someone being malicious to you when you’ve never done anything to them; feeling like the world is against you because a group of people is harassing you. That could push someone over the edge. Do you want their blood on your hands?
This is only a (not-so)quick breakdown of the drama milestones between myself and Arianna. It’s a quick accounting for the purposes of establishing a timeline. I don’t have time to go into detail on each issue. Other posts will cover that. If you just want to know “what happened” this is the post for you. If you want “proof” of anything, there’s some here but more will be provided in subsequent posts.
Prologue
I don’t want to be making this post. I’ve tried multiple times to engage cooler heads in Arianna’s life to avoid getting to this point but she’s a master manipulator and they all thought that I had some hand in this drama. I’ll state it for the record: I’ve done nothing to antagonize Arianna ever. She did get upset with me when I threatened to expose her lies by posting images and she claimed that the reason she wanted them down was because of the risk of losing her son. The reality is that she wanted to make sure that no one knew she was lying because she valued her new relationship with Anna over telling the truth. That’s fine it’s her choice to make but because she created an environment where her followers feel comfortable making death threats against me I’ve had to spend 4 days talking to law enforcement and letting them pour through my phones. Nothing I post here is anything that law enforcement in 3 different jurisdictions hasn’t seen already.
Despite what some will think. This site isn’t here to harass or embarrass her. I never wanted to be in the position of making this information publicly available. Arianna let her delusions get the best of her and because she has a fear of being abandoned she refused to clear the air and come clean about the fantastical assertions she made when she was being emotional and irrational. I have no problem with her loosing her shit and lashing out. It’s part of the package I accepted when I got involved with her. I do have a problem with her not telling the truth once she’s calmed down. The only reason this site exists is because she wouldn’t tell the truth so I have to. That’s the only thing I ever asked for — the truth.
Our Relationship
I was a friend and confidant to Arianna beginning around spring 2018. She ended up in a toxic relationship with a fellow streamer named Victoria. I knew and supported them both and when they started having problems Arianna would confide in me. At some point (around October 2018) Victoria and Arianna broke up. Weeks later she declared that I was her boyfriend in one of her livestreams. I brushed it off as her being either drunk or emotional (maybe both) and didn’t say anything until she made the same declaration less than a week later while I was participating in her live stream.
We met up in December 2018 and hashed out a few things about our relationship. I won’t go into great detail here but there were a few key points relevant to the rest of this post.
We’re both non-monogamists. She identifies as “polygamist” and I identify as “polyamorous”. I’m not going to spend time explaining those here. Suffice it to say that I’m married and my wife is fully informed of the dating that I do. Arianna is/was free to date anyone she wanted. I made no claims on her body. The one thing I’d asked was that she be upfront and honest with me about anything sexual that happened with men. She always told me that she had no desire to be with men and that if anything sexual was going to happen with a male it would be with me. That was her claim, not mine.
She’s a lesbian and not interested in sex with men. I am a guy. I’ve been in multiple asexual relationships and that’s how I approached this relationship with Arianna. She later told me that she’d be willing to have sex while she’s drunk and I told her that I’m not comfortable with doing anything drunk that we don’t do sober. She insisted that it was ok and that she was telling me then that I had her permission to engage in sexual activity if she initiated it when she was drunk and I told her that I’m just not interested in that sort of thing. I’ve had multiple lesbian girlfriends and FWBs in the past that were interested in receiving oral pleasure without any penetrative sex. When I mentioned that as a possibility she said she’d consider it but we’d have to build up comfort and trust. For my part I viewed out relationship as strictly asexual.
I’m not out as Poly to my family but I’d rather be outted as poly than to deny having a relationship with her when it comes to my family. My wife’s family is a different matter and it’s not up to me to out us. She understood and mentioned that she wouldn’t feel comfortable advertising our relationship on her social media outlets (meetme/Skout, Instagram, etc) because she felt she’d be judged by lesbians as not being a “real lesbian” and she wanted to find a lesbian wife. Specifically a lesbian wife because she had a history of bixesual/pansexual women leaving her for men. I was fine with her not advertising our relationship as long as she didn’t deny our relationship. She told me that her concern was only with Lesbian AND that once she had built up trust and understanding with the women she was interested in seeing she could then tell them about our relationship.
Something to note here. When we had the conversation it was very specifically “with lesbians” that she would wait to explain our relationship. I found out later that she’d basically lied about us telling everyone that I was “just a friend” or “a special friend who helps me out…” making it sound like I was her sugar daddy.
She later claimed that she and I had “Clear communication about the fact that we didn’t have to tell anyone about our relationship” which is utterly absurd. We never agreed to any such thing. Anyone who knows me would know that I’m not going to invest my time and energy into building a life partnership with someone who would hide the fact that we’re together.
This is a life partnership. I wasn’t interested in being just a boyfriend or a passing fancy. I prefer committed relationships where we can work together to build a better future. She and I both agreed that this was a real relationship built with the intent to last for decades. We’d work out our issues like adults and build an environment where she and her son could have consistency and stability given her history of volatile relationships with women.
Danny/Vidcon [June – July 2019]
Things were mostly ok from December 2018 up through June 2019. I’d go back and forth to see her in Southern California from time to time and in June it felt like we’d rounded a corner on physical affection. I never pushed or pressured her to have physical contact with me. I’d kiss her shoulder from time to time but that was about it for me initiating anything physically. The first few nights I was there on the June trip she would lie against me in bed, which she hadn’t done previously. I made a mental note to bring it up later.
A few days into my June trip decided to drink and go live. I ordered food for us and we had fun during the stream. Unfortunately she has a habit of getting blackout drunk. She’s frequently abusive and there were three separate incidents that happened with her in that state while I was there.
One night she bit me, threw food at me, and started trying to stab me with crab legs. When I told her about it she was mortified
That same night she came on to me sexually in a really aggressive manner. I mean SUPER aggressive. Like an idiot I tried to reason with her. When I said it wasn’t a good idea she got abusive again and started calling me names and pushing me.
Another night, similar thing. She got drunk, grabbed my hand and put it on her crotch. When I asked what she was doing she said something like “god I wanna fuck a hot chick” when I said “I’m not a hot chick” she said “no you’re not” with this really cruel laugh. Then she asked me if I thought I could “eat pussy withouth trying to fuck me” it was all rather humiliating and I chose not to bring it up to her.
VidCon week
In July I rented a house in Orange, CA for VidCon which she and I were both attending. The morning before we were supposed to leave from her place in San Diego County, she tells me about a secret relationship she’d had with a guy named Danny (not his real name).
According to her: She and Danny had been having sexually explicit conversations and she’d developed a crush on him but didn’t want to act on anything physically with him. She felt bad and asked if I’d just make sure to stay by her incase Danny showed up expecting her to make good on their sexual fantasy talk.
Danny never showed up at VidCon so THAT part became a non-issue. At the end of the trip I tried to talk to Arianna about a number of issues including the betrayal with Danny (again, not his real name) and instead of being compassionate about the situation that she had created, she became verbally abusive. From that point forward, everytime I tried to mention anything related to us or our relationship she got abusive. Later you’ll see messages where she refers to either Danny (I’ve edited images that have his name and changed documents to say ‘Danny’ ) or VidCon and this is what she’s talking about. my attempt to get some clarity about our relationship after she betrayed my trust with another man for which I was subjected to abusive language.
Eventually she did at least own the fact that she created a fucked up situation.
Side Note: I now believe that all of the extra physical attention was just her guilt about the goings on with Danny. I’m not sure that’s the case but that’s what seems to make the most sense to me.
Almost dying [August 2019]
In August I was taking a road trip from Chicago,Il to Houston, TX and when I stopped at a gym to take a shower I almost passed out. After a call to my wife, I drove myself to the ER and they noticed blood clots in my chest. The hospital I was at was in Ardmore, OK and I had to be flown to Oklahoma City to be monitored and undergo a risky procedure. I called my wife to give her updates and she tried calling Arianna to let her know what was going on. My wife never got in touch with her but I did RIGHT before they put me under for the procedure. I explained to Ari what had happened and that I just wanted to talk to her one last time before they shoved a straw up my groin trying to save my life. She said she loved me and 6 hours later started asking me to help her with a computer that I’d built for her back in December. it sat around for 6 months and THAT DAY was the day she decided to try to use it and because she’d forgotten her password she bugged me while I was trying to stay relaxed and recover from having blood clots sucked out from around my heart and lungs.
She never checked up on me while I was in the hospital and it was a few days before she finally asked how I was doing.
Think about how selfish a person has to be to have someone call them to say “Hey I may die. I just wanted you to know I love you in case I don’t make it out of this procedure alive,” and they don’t even followup for days 4 days.
Abuse and Bullshit
At some point I had to write out my feelings about a number of things going on between Arianna and myself and I sent her several benign messages to let her know what was on my mind. Each time she would respond with abusive language and attack me.
Only Boyfriend [ October 4, 2019]
Finally in early October I get a series of text messages from people on meetme watching Arianna stream with a male friend of hers named Dylan. While they were streaming together someone asked if she had a boyfriend and this was her response:
When I asked her whether there was anything going on between her and Dylan, I got this as a response.
When I sent her the video clip she doubled down on the abusive approach.
I tried to get her to talk to me so that I could get clarity on what was going on but she avoided me for almost two full days.
In the meantime I addressed the issue on SnapChat:
Some time after that she finally decides to respond to me with senseless drivel turning things around so that she’s the victim. She’s really good at making it seem like she’s the victim after she does something fucked up.
Eventually she and I spoke and she apologized saying that she knew that what she did was fucked up. She wanted to try to ‘fix things’ since our relationship hadn’t been the same after VidCon. I told her, in that conversation that our previous relationship ended the second she denied me and that if we were going to have a new relationship I’d want to get some concerns addressed upfront. She suggested we put off discussing anything about it until she was here in Chicago. I told her that I’d write out my concerns for her to view at her leisure and urged her to view my story on SnapChat to see if she had any problems with what I said there.
This was her response to the snap story:
This is the (partial) contents of the note I sent her:
Her response was more of the same abusive languge and behavior except that now she added delusional assertions claiming that I was making DEMANDS. Let’s pause her for a second and take stock of the situation:
My GF betrayed my trust by having a secret relationship with another man behind my back
She’s denied our relationship in public, humiliating me in the process
When I asked her about it she got abusive and claimed that she never did the thing she actually did do
When I called her on her false assertion she continued to be abusive and attack me
When I tell her that I’m lost and need to hear her voice, she responds by telling me how the guy she’s spending time with is more important than addressing my fears/concerns.
When I stand up for myself and let her know that I’m not willing to be trod upon she claims that I’m making DEMANDS instead of simply telling her the conditions for my participation in a relationship.
Eventually she admitted that what she did was fucked up and disrespectful but for some reason thinks it disrespectful for me to ask for a public apology.
This response came in when I was waiting to talk to her to finalize her travel plans to Chicago. Instead of calling me, she sent this senseless ramble and I had to cancel her arrangements because she wouldn’t talk to me.
It’s all delusional ranting. The “clear communication” she claims, never happened (see above for explanation). Pay special attention to the parts that she claims are “DEMANDS”. You’d think I had asked her to submit to forcible sexual contact but in fact my words were:
If weāre going to be ātogetherā, all of the above plus:
Iām not interested in ādatingā only in āpartneringā for life. That means a whole different approach to commitment and responsibility in the relationship ā There is a difference between polygamy and not caring. Iām fully in support of an open relationship but open means open communication as much as it means open to exploring relationship with other people.
Iām not taking a back seat on physical intimacy anymore. If you canāt be comfortable being physical (not sexual) with me then you donāt deserve my time and attention
Start of the Arianna Driven Drama [Oct 22, 2019]
A few days later she and I try talking to resolve some issues but she had invited company over to her place and wanted to put OUR conversation on hold. I was fine with this because honestly I just wanted closure so that I could move on with my life and get her out of it. There was no going back at this point given the way I’d been treated. While I was waiting for her to get back to me I noticed her announcement on SnapChat that she was in a new relationship with Nugget, the girl she’d invited over during the time that she would have been in Chicago with me. I call her out on the odd timing and the fact that she had JUST told me, days ago, that she wasn’t going to discuss her relationships in public anymore yet there she was announcing that she was with Nugget after blowing me off and denying our relationship.
October 17th “…I officially refuse to tlk about any relationships I’m in…” — Arianna
October 22nd “Me and nugget are officially together…”
me just trying to get her out of my life for good
Notice how she claims that I “rejected” her. She decided not to help me finalize her travel arrangements effectively canceling her trip to Chicago. How she can have the gall to claim I rejected her is beyond me. This is a common pattern with her though. Every time there is conflict she falls back to one of two modes:
“I’m a mother” / “I’m a single mother” / “I’m a single mother of a child with special needs”
Making a patently false assertion that if she says it with enough conviction, she thinks it’ll become true or at least go unchallenged
This was her ranting on her live stream right after I sent that text message
I was hurt but I thought “finally I can move on”. The next day I get a bunch of new friend requests on SnapChat. I accept a few of them and one turns out to be a girl that Arianna had asked me to help. Arianna and I had an understanding about her wanting to hookup with women and I was happy to facilitate. Anna was a girl that I’d tried to help back in December but she seemed obsessed with trying to get me to send her large sums of money. Even though I didn’t end up helping Anna back then, I did continue to visit her live streams and send her gifts. I was her #1 gifter for almost a year until recently when Arianna surpassed me.
Anyway, when I saw that it was Anna who had added me on SnapChat, I figured I’d do her a solid and let her know that I’m not on speaking terms with Arianna. I never had a personal issue with Anna despite the fact that Arianna had lampooned Anna and avoided her.
The response I got from Anna was vile and detestable. That’s about as nicely as I can put it:
In the video Anna claims that Arianna told her that I was trying to get people to hate her (Ari). When I confonted Arianna about it she said that she knew I’d never do that but that her emotions got the best of her. I made the mistake of thinking that Arianna would be an adult and explain to Anna that I’d never done anything wrong to her. Unfortunately Arianna is far from an adult.
Attempt to clear the air
I thought that it would be nice to try to clear the air between Anna and myself so I went into her live stream and asked if we could talk. There was no malice just a genuine desire to burry the hatchet. She decided to get nasty and start spreading vicious lies about me.
I contact Arianna who refused to do anything about Anna except for tell me to ignore it.
Let’s take another second here to pause and find out where we are:
Arianna, who has a history of being abusive and delusional, brings in a third party to our conflict under false pretenses. She lied to Anna telling her that I was doing something I wasn’t (trying to get people to hate her).
When that person attacks me and defames me by spreading lies, Arianna’s response is “it’s not my job to say my friend lied”
And she claims that it’s an issue between Anna and myself.
She’s more concerned with offending Anna (who attacked me without provocation) than telling the truth and setting the record straight.
I gave Arianna a year of my life as a dedicated and attentive partner. It was all bullshit to her but it was real for me. Her allowing Anna to disrespect our relationship in this way with the things she’s saying is a bridge to far. I can never reconcile with Arianna based on that alone.
I tell Arianna that that’s not an acceptable response. If she won’t tell the truth, I will. I start posting our private communications to let it be known that what Anna is saying is a lie.
At some point Arianna sees my posts and claims that one of them could get her child taken away if seen by the wrong person. What she’s actually doing is trying to censor me so that Anna and everyone else doesn’t realize how shitty a person she’s being. I offer to let her edit the images and send them back to me and she refuses.
Instead she runs to her mother’s place, tells her mother that PuddyTat is being mean and I get the following messages.
After that I don’t contact Ariana anymore. People sent me screenshots and recordings of her live stream where she’s talking shit about me but I mostly ignore things. I want to make it clear here that I got many many messages over the course of maybe a week and a half where Arianna was talking shit about me. It was a constant thing. She’d frequently say “a person” or “someone” but everyone knew that she was talking about me. This is the environment she built with her delusional ramblings. Every time someone would critique her behavior or harass her she’d act as if I had sent them and even say “oh I wonder who sent you.” This built an environment of hate and resentment toward me that based on nothing more than her idiocy and desire to be accepted by others.
Finally someone tells me that Arianna is going to get me killed by telling her followers that I’m trying to get her child taken away.
Then I start receiving death threats.
That’s about it
That is the entirety of my involvement with the Arianna conflict. I’ve left out the numerous times I reached out to people to try to deescalate the situation. I’ve not mentioned every single exchange, particularly those where I say things like “I want you out of my life, I wish you well”.
That’s not to say that my personal conduct in all of my dealings with her after the breakup were beyond reproach. I’m human and have emotions. When she let it be known that she cared more about upsetting Anna than telling the truth, I let it be known that she had broken faith with me. As a result I stopped caring about her (in toto), and I considered her an enemy and would not protect her from the consequences of her actions anymore. I stand by that to this day. I don’t care that she got with Anna, I’d been trying to facilitate that myself before all of this happened. I don’t care that she and I are not together anymore (I can’t believe I was so blind to all her bullshit). I do care that she didn’t have the strength of character to stand up and tell the truth. I also care that she allowed our relationship to be disrespected by one of her friends/partners, especially a friend/partner of hers that she asked me to help. Everything Anna says in that video is an insult to the relationship that Arianna and I had. Yes it’s over but for her to allow someone to shit on what we had built is unforgivable, for me. Anna seems to be intellectually about as bright the inside of a clogged sewer pipe. I don’t expect her to understand the gravity of her words. Arianna on the other hand should know enough to not abide that level of disrespect.
There is no fixing this. An apology won’t suffice. She and I will never be friends because of that. I would have left it alone though if she hadn’t incited people to start making death threats.
It wasn’t me
I know that she and her followers like to think that I’ve been behind the harassment that she’s seen in her live streams on MeetMe but I haven’t been. I can’t stand her. She’s frankly a disgusting human being and it pains me to watch her. I wish that weren’t the case. I used to love her but with the history of BS I’ve been subjected to because of her I just can’t bring myself to see her as anything other than a very shitty human being.
Also, two points that perhaps I shouldn’t make but I’ll go ahead and make them anyway:
First,I don’t have to harass her, or get people to hate her. I wanted her out of my life. Every time I tried to step away she did something to bring me back into contact with her. If I wanted to mess with her or fuck up her ability to livestream, I’d just shutdown her network. I built her network at her home. I can control it remotely if I were so inclined. I’m not and I haven’t but if I wanted to fuck with her it’d be easier to slow down her internet traffic or shut it off all together than to waste time talking shit about her. Alternatively, I’m a software developer who specializes in process automation and API design. What that means for the lay person is that I have the tools and skill set to automate harassment. If I wanted to harass her I would write bots to look for her streams and go in and spam automatically in perpetuity. If they got blocked/banned I’d have them respawn and create new fake accounts all automatically. She’s not worth my time.
Secondly, She and I spent a year together. I know all her dirty little secrets. If I wanted to get her kid taken away he would have been. Arianna knows that there are very specific things I know that are in fact actionable and could result in her kid being taken away from her. There may or may not be video of her live stream with her holding a gun to her head. There may or may not have been a conversation with her detailing how she was too drink to pick up her son but did it anyway. There may or may not be evidence of her being so drunk and fucked up after drinking while streaming that she forgot to pick up her son from school and had him waiting for an hour and a half alone. Anyone who wants to get her kid taken away can just watch her stream on any day that she drinks. It’s not hard.
She’s a drama queen and she lives to manipulate people’s sympathies. It’s much easier to get a “ohhh you poor baby” while saying “PuddyTat is trying to get my kid taken away” as opposed to “PuddyTat posted something that I’m afraid will expose me as an emotional and delusional piece of shit who turned her back on the one person who gave her everything and never asked for anything in return”
Maybe you think I’m going over the top there. This is what her ex GF had to say about her right after THEY broke up. I’m not the only one she’s done this to
Epilogue
I’ve left out many details. Some because, while they are important, they don’t contribute directly to the points raised here. I’ll probably cover them in other posts. Others were left out because I don’t have the sort of “hard evidence” to make them tent pole claims. I’m working on getting the evidence to for the following:
I mention above that Arianna would lie about our relationship and basically give people the impression that I was her sugar daddy. After i made my statement on SnapChat (October 7) I had several people reach out to me saying many things and I disregarded most of them. One person had audio of Arianna saying something like “Why do you think I’m with PuddyTat? I mean I’m not with him but he says he’s my boyfriend and yeah I let him. Do you know how much he does for me and my son?” she then proceeded to talk about how I order them groceries and food and buy special things for her son. I do not know where the audio came from. It sounded like it was at an event, maybe an industry dinner or something. The audio was played for me over a SnapChat call and I didn’t record it. I’ve asked the person for a copy but haven’t gotten a response. Part of me wonders whether it was at the MeetMe rooftop party at VidCon because it was very loud and difficult to make out most of what she was saying but it definitely was her. If you were there or know who made the original recording, please let me know.
If anyone has video of her live streams from mid-late October where she’s talking shit about me, I’d love to see it.
The above is a message Arianna (apparently) posted on SnapChat and MeetMe after weeks of bashing me, talking trash, and letting people in her box make threats against me.
Ari does not have the poise and composure to craft such a missive so I thank those in her life with enough insight and wisdom to write that.
Unfortuately it hasn’t had any effect on the threats against my life. I’m still getting them.
Note the date (November 13 [2019]). Back in October when we broke up Ari thought I was behind some of the harassment that she’d seen in her livestreams. I told her up front that I hadn’t done or said anything to antagonize her or encourage others to. I even offered to make a stand publicly to let people know that I wished her no ill. I was ignored for over a week.
The problem with her statement is that it does nothing to undue the damage caused by her and the environment she created. Yes, perhaps she’s stopped talking shit about me but she didn’t say anything about all that shit being unwarranted in the first place. The people who decided to harass and attack me have no idea that she’s the one who created this whole situation and I’ve simply been responding as things come at me.
So after lying and claiming that I was trying to get her child taken from her she let her friend make the following statement unchallenged. Since then I’ve been getting death threats
OK let’s understand this. She’s claiming that it’s blackmail to ask someone to tell the truth when they create a situation that results in you getting attacked unprovoked and for no reason. OK… sure
If you won’t tell the truth, I will. Plain and simple
