This is a response I had to Arianna about more of her BS. At this point I hadn’t identified her manipulation techniques. She kept asserting that things were my fault when I’d done nothing wrong.
I thought quite a bit about your response and I wanted to make sure I gave due consideration to the things you mentioned.
I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
First, I’d like to clarify the actual issue I was bringing up because It seems to have been conflated with “you talk to person X more than me” and it’s really two other separate issues.
We don’t speak that often and not speaking to you causes me anxiety. I’m a protector and a problem solver. I feel disconnected and useless when I don’t know what’s going on.
There are times that I expect (based on your words/actions) or need to talk to you but can’t.
Example A: When you said “I’ll call you back later” the other day. I had needed to talk to you about some trip planning. You didn’t call me back but you did go live. That leaves me with the feeling that going live is more important than keeping your word to call me back.
Example B: When I was trying to place the order for your Good Guy Doll. I had asked you about the specifics of the order in your live stream and you said you’d end your live to call me. I never heard from you. In both cases I was waiting and ended up feeling like a fool because instead of talking to me you were live streaming and getting drunk.
Example C: I was trying to talk to you some time after I got out of the hospital and I couldn’t. When I finally got ahold of you it was like we couldn’t talk freely because you had company (Dylan was over). You asked me to join your live later which I did but it was frustrating trying to have an actual conversation with you while Dylan was there (physically) distracting you and people in your stream divided your attention.
Example D: We spoke the morning before the wedding and I just wanted to catch up on some things. You told me you had to go and said you’d call me back after the wedding and I never heard from you.
So those are the actual issues that I was trying to communicate. I never thought you talked to Dylan more than me, and even if you did, I’m not jealous like that. I hope you talk to people more than me because I don’t talk to you that often. The issues I have with Dylan are complex and nuanced. I should probably not have mentioned him because some of those issues deal with my insecurities and some deal with the stuff I mentioned above. It’s his connection to the above that has me resent him as a symbol of me not being able to talk to you when I need(ed) to. Additionally I resent him for other reasons.
That whole part of the conversation was one big misunderstanding. I get that your perception of that conversation shaped and affected you in ways that can’t be undone. At the same time, what I was actually saying and what you thought I was saying were two completely different things. I never cared about my image. The point I was trying to make is that people will do fucked up things based on incomplete or incorrect understandings of relationships and such. Example: the fuck-wit who tried to block me from leaving the party with you because he didn’t know I was your boyfriend. Imagine if you weren’t coherent enough to nod “yes” when asked if you knew me. Imagine if it had been a cop instead of just some fuck-wit at the party. I put my life in your hands every time we are out together because the assumption by many is that we don’t belong together so obviously you must be the victim and I the aggressor. Applied to the conversation we were having at the time: it’s a matter of life and death if someone (say Dino) expects to be able to approach you and I intervene. There’s no way to know how they will respond. If you’re intoxicated and can’t articulate then it becomes a matter of his word against mine because no one else knows that I’m your boyfriend. If punches are thrown and we both say “she’s with me” people are going to assume that I’m the one being untruthful and that’s dangerous. That’s the point I was making. It’s not bout my image. It’s about how I’m seen.